December Goodness and Goodbyeness

"Drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And its been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last..."

-A Long December by Counting Crows


I'm packing up TN and saying my goodbyes. It is so strange not to know when I'll be back. When's the next holiday? When will my holidays begin to be tied to the church and people will have to come to me instead? I'm heading to Johnson City tomorrow for the New Years Bash at Brooksie's. Lots of old friends! Then the long lonely drive back up to Chicago happens. I'm thinking I'm not driving all 10 (er, 11? 12?) hours all in one day. That just doesn't sound like me. So we'll have to see how far I get! Ha!

All in all it's been a fabulous break. I got to sleep in a lot, get lots of quality family time, see a few flicks, waste time on the internet playing silly games, and read a book for the fun of it. I got to celebrate with friends and family at two weddings. Congrats Lindsy and Elliott!! Congrats Dad and Andrea!! They're dropping like flies theses days. And yes, friends, you will all owe me by coming to whatever wedding celebration I'm up to after attending 20+ weddings and being in 3 (and counting.... yay Emmie in April!!).

Katie and Caleb
Sonya and Brad
Rebecca and Taylor
Kari and Dwight
Jared and Pam
Kimberly and Timothy
Sarah and Ben
Rebecca and Taylor
Tyler and Stephen
Jeff and Ashley
Jess and Chris
Nikki and Adam
Elena and Rob
Toby and Kristin
Lindsy and Elliott
Dad and Andrea
(upcoming) Emmie and Zane
(upcoming) Kelly and Lucas
(upcoming) Rouselle and her Canadian
***did I forget anyone?***

I've loved the unique individuality of each and every one of them. I've cried at most of them. I've been inspired at most of them. I've loved celebrating new beginnings with you all.

Christmas Update

How was every one's Christmas? I had an absolutely amazing meal that my big brother made. Meals like that... mmm... I am happy I am not a vegetarian. Sorry to those who are... but out of respect for you, I won't list details. But know that it was delicious. Got some fun presents (a nice long winter coat, a little olympus camera, some awesome dvd's, a flat wallet, a pedicure with my step sister and other little fun things) and spent good time with family. Couldn't ask for more!

Also, as a Christmas present to myself I unsubscribed from all the emails I get daily or weekly and always automatically delete. I am quite enjoying my present. You should all try it. One of those things about living simpler? Yeah, its fabulous.

And on that note, I've been going through boxes in my dad's basement. I have SO MUCH crap. I've know this for a while. The realization of it struck me again though, after living fairly simply up in Chicago. Of course, I'm bringing about 4 boxes of random stuff back with me in Henry. A lot of stuff is for the kitchen or stuff to decorate the apartment or make it more like home. Some of it is just pure random though. (A good bit of "randomness" went into a box for goodwill or the trashcan... I promise.)

I'm heading up to Johnson City for New Years to see a bunch of friends from college. I'll spend the 1st hanging out as well and then head back for the windy city after that. I'm not ready for the sub zero temperatures (it was 68 here today...). I am ready to be back in Chicago, though. I think bit by bit it is starting to be my home. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Remembering to Hope

"Jesus wept."

It's the simplest sentence in the entire bible. Also the most profound.

It's easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Shopping, watching Christmas movies, addressing your stack of cards, baking cookies... even a little visiting with friends and volunteering thrown in there so you feel you are really catching the meaning of the season.

I went to a "Grace for the Wounded" service last night. It was eye opening and it made cry. How easily we forget that the Christmas season isn't all white snow and savior's birth for everyone. A lot of people have been wounded by their families in profound and deep ways. A lot of that wounding took place at Christmas, the time when families gather together.

Three people got up and apologized. One was a woman. One was a man. One was a minister. They represented all women who had ever wronged someone, all men who had ever wronged someone, and the entire church and its representatives for ignoring the problem or adding to the list of wrongs.

Anyway, it was certainly something. I am going to try to remember this when I have a congregation someday. Help me to remember that we are a broken people. All of us to some degree. And that we need a little grace and a little healing.... especially this time of year. Me included.

Christmas movies make me smile...

Greetings!!

Well, we had snow here in TN for one day. Then it all melted away and we had weather in the 50's. So spectacularly bizarre! Apparently when Kevin, KJ, and I left Chicago to go to Texas, TN, and California, we took the cold weather with us. Strange, isn't it?

So I've been bumming around for a few days. My best friend and I went shopping. I found boots for Chicago! Waterproof, black, furry on the inside, calf length perfection! I am quite excited. To top it off, my mother got me a fabulous black coat from Land's End for Christmas. It is warm... and I LOVE it. God bless down jackets and their cozy warmth.

I've been chilling in the lazy boy, too. I recorded a bunch of movies on mom's TIVO and have been watching a few movies a day. Let's see... I've watched A Family Stone, A Lot Like Love, Just Friends (and thought of how much my coffee shop friends used to quote it - George...), A Christmas List, A Boyfriend for Christmas (it was Hallmark - I couldn't resist), and Enchanted. I still have yet to watch Elf, White Christmas, It's a Wonderful Life, Holiday Inn, and Meet Me In St. Louis. So much to do...

Perhaps I'll take a break and update this blog... give it a makeover for the new year? Yes, I think I shall.

My Christmas Cards are RED, with a star of course!

Okay friends. If I have your address, hopefully you will be seeing a card from me soon!! Yesterday I finally wrote my Christmas letter and printed it on my Christmas paper and folded it up and put in my Christmas cards and put them in their little envelopes with all your names on them. That's how much I love you. It's true.

And if you didn't get one - that's because I don't have your address. So give it to me, okay!? And remember that I still love you. Even if you didn't get a fabulously folded Christmas card/letter(/picture) combo from me. :)

Your RED is a slacker - sorry!

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you all - my readership.

But really... I doubt that many are reading. Aren't you all too busy? You should all be busy hanging out with me. Or shopping/making things for Christmas. Right??

Anywho, Merry Christmas!!!

I just watched Family Stone. You should watch it for it is superb.

a letter, a prayer, a thought or two on my call

Almighty God,

You never cease to surprise and amaze me. All of the things that made me a little different, a little odd, a little outcast... are now all of the things you are using for ministry. Did you plan it? Have you been slowly crafting me for this my entire life? Have I really been so blind? ...thinking that you didn't have a hand in my writing and poetry, in my being raised in the south with family in the north far away, a red headed white female, and even being an HSP (a "highly sensitive person" - a psychological term for deeply thinking and perceiving individuals who need their down time to deal with the world's input). Here I was feeling that no one understood me, but you were making me so that I could understand others. (God, isn't that another prayer? Let me not seek so much to be understood as to understand...)
My God, you amaze me. Truly, I had no idea that your plan was so grand. I had no idea I was so uniquely connected to my brothers and sisters. I had no idea how different and beautiful they all could be. I've seen the despair, Lord. I've heard the cries, Lord. But you filled with me hope so I could respond. You gave me a voice to speak. You gave me an understanding heart.

Was this your plan all along??

Sincerely, Amen, etc.,
Your Alison

Another Productive Use of My Time

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I apologize in advance to the parents (L, Blu, TNT, Brooksies). I had to have a little something to deal with finals. So this was a rather productive use of my time, don't you think? They are "my" babies after all. :D

Gay Marriage is... RED? How about fuscia?!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones

GO WATCH THIS NOW!!!

It just made me smile in the midst of exams. It is hilarious! And genius.

...perhaps I will share the other genius revelation that I received Monday. It will appear in the form of the lonely blog discussion ACT III! Look forward to it. You just might be enlightened...

My address book is RED, but I think I need a new one...

Dearest friends, It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. Oh I wish I had a river....

There is such a melancholy mood about this time. I think I may have figured out the root of it however: Christmas Cards.

Yes, that's right. Christmas cards. There are multiple dimensions of evil here. Multiple.

It starts with finding the right card. Don't even get me started on how much I hate "Happy Holidays!!" in place of Merry Christmas. I just won't even go there. The shopping in general, however, is an interesting process. This year, I found mine at Target. I spent less than 5 minutes picking through the cards. When I found one that was on recycled paper, had a star, and said Merry Christmas, I grabbed it. So that, at least, was painless this year. (Though THIS one made me stumble! Read the inside if you don't get why I didn't grab it.) The worst part, however, is that all of those cards and pounds of tinsel were out BEFORE Halloween was even over. I'm sorry, I am just not going to start my Christmas cards in October. Not happening. Also, and I'm sorry if I'm insulting anyone, who wants a card trimmed in FUR!??! (I saw it.)

Okay, so you've got the cards, right? And lets just say that before you start writing your letter, you decided to address the cards first. It's good to know who your audience is, yes? So you pick up your handy dandy notebook, er, address book. This is when the pain sets in. First of all, you have to thumb through the book and decide who would want a card in the first place. Who have you actually talked to in the past year that cares? Who have you not talked to in the last year that STILL cares? Do you care? I'm not trying to be cranky, but I honestly think that my former landlords would love a card but that some family I babysat for three years ago wouldn't really care. Or maybe they would?

Ahhhh!!!!!

It gets better, however. As you are flipping through the book, especially at my age, you realize that half of these addresses are entirely incorrect. Most of my friends have moved in the last year (at least once), some since I left Chattanooga! So you have to realize that you have some updating to do. It may just be sad to randomly write to these people via internet or text asking for an address when you haven't "caught up" in months... or longer. It is tragic looking back at the year and realizing what a slacker friend you've been that you don't have your friends "new" address nor know what city that may be in.

In the long run, however, this is no big deal, right? Until you realize that there are entire entries that need to be deleted. That nasty word divorce changes things, see? They aren't together anymore and they sure as heck don't live together, there, anymore. Out comes the eraser. They're gone. So are the former addresses of your current friends (some still blank because I don't have the new ones yet). And sadly, so are the entries of people you no longer communicate with at all. Or maybe you just leave those entries in there?

Of course, I have to acknowledge the celebrations. Adding in newly marrieds or adding a baby name. This is all good. I think the solution, however, is simply to thrown the address book out and start fresh with the new year. Maybe that won't make the address selection process quite so painful next year?

More on the letter writing aspect later...

Princess Cakes are not RED, they are PINK of course!

What a week!! It was a triple holiday for me. I got to celebrate Abi's 6 month birthday, H's #4 birthday, and Thanksgiving with the extended W family. Really we had some absolutely incredible food. Sherry made this garnish thing with cranberries, golden raisins, apricots... it was to die for on top of the Peruvian turkey. I also quite enjoyed the broccoli cheese casserole, the green beans (with bacon...), and the beef that B cooked (he's a magician with meat on the grill, seriously). The stuffing at all three of my thanksgivings has never been compared to my mama's but what can ya do? I really need to learn how to make that...

On top of all the fabulous Thanksgiving food was the two story princess castle cake for H's birthday. The pillars were provided, but we frosted them, rolled them in the sugar, did the windows, etc. We also made the 4 cakes that make up the castle itself and frosted those. Its a Stage THREE cake. This may be the reason Blu and I dubbed ourselves "Stage Negative."

We will let you know when we open the bakery (ha!).

I got to spend a good bit of time at the coffee shop or with coffee shop people. L and Abi (in the first picture), Kels, Rob, George and Car, Lan, and then all the people working at the store whenever I visited. So, everyone else. Haha. They were all surprised I wasn't a partner anymore but were happy to make my crazy drinks. I had all of them, too. I started off with my favorite Caramel Soy Latte and then experimented with the Pumpkin Bomb and the Dirty Vanilla Cheg. I had some of my tea even though Rob didn't make it. And then I finished the week off with my classic winter drink, the Peppermint White Mocha. Mm... so delicious. Oh, I also found a water bottle! My fabulous Nalgene bottle was just too big to carry around and my water occasionally tasted like plastic (which is never a good thing). So, I got a beautiful aluminum one from the coffee shop. I also picked up a new travel mug that won't leak like my last one did. It is true they only last for about a year. Hey, at least my new one is 28% recycled. Boo ya!

So basically the week was amazing. It was strange, though, that it felt like a dream half the time. Or maybe it was the Chicago part that felt like a dream. An odd mix of "home" and some imaginary place I thought up. I get that feeling when I go back to Clarksville, too. Some odd mixture of wondering if I ever lived there and having these memories that collide with the present picture. New construction. A coat of paint. Name changes. Things are there, just a little off. Anyway, it was a great visit. It is always nice going home.

Now if only I could get back into the routine here for one more week....

The Lonely Blog Discussion Act II

(See Act I - Thanks to George and Mom for responding to Act I. Please fell free, all of you, to continue responding to act I. Act II is just more food for thought.)

So aside from Luther getting married and ruining my happy-being-single status, this TX pastor encouraged the married couples in his congregation to have 7 days of sex. The media response to this has been hilarious. Paragraphs like this, however, are not helpful:
"Once you factor out venereal diseases, there’s almost nothing better for you than regular sex. Judging from the many studies on the subject, a daily romp is healthier than yoga, a five-mile run and a handful of multivitamins combined. Sex has been shown to ameliorate memory, posture, depression, anxiety, insomnia, menstrual cramps, digestion, bladder control, dental health and the sense of smell."
Here's the whole article which has a link to another article about it. Apparently the singles were told to eat chocolate cake....

Thanks, Pastor.

And of course all kinds of ignorant people are making fun of the pastor, the congregation, the Christians, the writers of stories about this, etc. I'm not. I think it is charming. There's something to be said for this kind of challenge. Something about faking/forcing intimacy breeding real intimacy. Why do you think so many Hollywood couples are formed when they are making movies together? Sure, you are spending a lot of time around each other, but you are also pretending to be in love. There's a vignette in Paris I Love You, as well. "By pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love." It's beautiful.

Guess this means I can't cuddle with my guy friends? Isn't that always why the friends with benefits thing never works? Anyway, I'm just frustrated, I guess. I'm not allowed to have intimacy because I'm single. I feel like that is what it comes down to. So pushing aside all other reasons to be in a relationship, I think this one can stand on its own for most people. A lot of my friends at seminary are in long distance relationships. A few of them are simply waiting for their significant others to join them in the city while others are seeing how the distance will affect the relationship. Two weeks ago, my friend had her boyfriend visit her. It was nice, but then he went home. She was saying she was frustrated because the one person allowed to touch her was 1,000 miles away. There's truth to that! You can only have so many hugs from your good friends. It simply doesn't fill the need, the void, the quota, whatever you want to call it.

I get most upset with God when he feels far away and distant. Sometimes I feel like He's some God sitting above us in the mist. Whatever he is, he isn't sitting here holding my hand. So I completely understand why the Israelites in the Old Testament made a golden calf. Look, something we can put our hands on. Something "real" before us! Even Adam who had God walking with him in the garden wanted something else. Something more than an animal. Something different than the intimacy of God's knowing every part of him and the holy spirit being with him at every moment and never being alone. If Adam asked for someone, I can justify my own asking.

So maybe this issue isn't about having or not having a spouse somewhere down the road. Maybe it is an issue of being happy with what I've got. Being happy, er, content, with the present. (Isn't the joke that "the present" is "a gift" after all??)

To add to that, I am pretty content where I'm at. I love being in seminary. I love being in Chicago (as long as TN still lets me visit..). I love my family. I love my friends. Life is actually pretty good right now. Everyone I am catching up with asks how things are. It is so easy to answer "wonderful.... really wonderful." Of course I qualify that with saying that God is really stretching me and I have to learn a lot every day about God's kingdom and my place in it. All the same, life is pretty good. God's been good to me. I have abundant blessings to weigh against the challenges I'm facing.

I don't remember where I saw or read this, but I really loved it. I believe it was a sermonette about Adam naming the animals and it taking him years. We easily skip over that bit in the bible before Eve arrives. The speaker said that to name all the animals we have today, it would take three years of constant work to do it. At least. So Adam asked for Eve. God gave him work. He did it. Then God gave him Eve. Not as a result of doing the good work, but to make Adam appreciate the person he was getting.

Gives a whole new spin to my justification, doesn't it? Perhaps that is why I love it. It is a more complete answer to my question of why I'm still single. I'm busy working is all. :)

When the banjos battle...

So I decided to write a post while I wait for my flight to Chattanooga. Mostly, I thought I'd share my fears. This time, however, they are entirely OTHER than they were last time I visited O'hare.

First of all, I had the blessing of a friend dropping me off here instead of parking Henry somewhere and shuttling in. Oh the terror. (Thank you Jen!)

Second of all, I'm going home. I'm not going to some random hotel in downtown ATL to go to a conference I didn't really want to attend. This is home!!! (I had a message earlier today: “Come home to me, girl. It's been too long..”) Erxomai oikov!! (Greek lesson: erxomai means I am coming/going. Oikos is house/home. The -v ending on it means it is the direct object of the sentence. Get it? See Greek is easy...)

Third, and most entertaining, I think, is going back to the south in general. I just had the unfortunate circumstance to overhear a woman on the phone: “It don't. Naw, it don't.” It doesn't even matter what she was talking about. She might not have even said no in the middle, actually. I might have hill-bill-ified it for you. Regardless, it was said. And it struck fear in the heart of me. I'm going home!! Lord help me...

The Lonely Blog Discussion - Act I

My lack of blogs this past week means 2 things:

1.) That I've been working/studying/writing papers.

2.) That I've been stewing about an important topic.

So when you are full of turkey this week and catching up on your blogs, you can read this and respond. There's a place at the bottom to comment on every blog. It says “2 people discuss red.” Click that. Share your thoughts.

---------

So most of my readers are married, right? Sorry to those single, too. But you have your say in the discussion, anyway. Regardless, most of you have also dealt with, at some point or other, my singleness. My whining about it. My celebrating it. My frustration. You've encouraged me. You've listened to me. You've let me whine.

Truth be told? I was hoping I'd meet someone when I got to seminary. But I didn't. I met a slew of amazing guys that are either married or single for a reason (*snickers*). It's true, though. And when I turn that back around on the ladies, I see the same thing. We are either with someone or we are single for a reason. So... I'm single for a reason.

The trouble is I can't get over it. I've heard all the stories. The people who have already met their significant others have always met them AFTER they've reached a certain place. This place has been described in many ways. Perhaps you each have your own spin on it. It generally sounds the same, though. You got there because you were frustrated with the games. You were fed up with the idea of being tied down. Finding someone. Starting a family. Whatever. You were ready to give up the game and be single. You reached a place where it was about YOU. You stopped “looking.”

Two weeks ago, I can honestly say that I was almost there. I could feel my heart shifting over. Not like before when I just wanted to be in that place so that I could then magically find someone. We do that, don't we? We we try to make it work because we are lonely. We need companionship. Relationship. Conversation. Touch. Someone to listen to our story.

So I was there - it was amazing. I was so excited to be over the dating scene. Over wanting to get married so desperately. Over it. Truth is I have such a bigger calling than getting married or having a family. I have all this love that I've been anxious to give to someone... and what's worse is that I've been storing most of it up and not giving it all away. How wrong is that?! It is so entirely twisted. I can stop for two seconds of any day and list names upon names of people who need love. God planted me in a community that is desperate for a little more love. A lot more understanding. Hello! The need is great and I have the opportunity to respond to it. To inspire a little more hope in a world that is entirely broken.

So that was the focus. I was going to focus my energy and my love exactly where God wanted me to. I wasn't going to focus on guys, getting married, or being lonely. I would certainly have my hands full with God's purpose for my life -- Loving people is a full time big girl job.

Then I got attacked. Perhaps you don't believe in Satan. Perhaps you don't believe in spiritual warfare. I think some people can definitely take it too far. But I function on the reality that Satan whispers in our ears on a daily basis. Call it temptation. Call it evil human nature. Whatever you want to call it – that's what I'm talking about. And he started whispering...

In Church History we were discussing Martin Luther's getting married to Katharine von Bora. That's fine and dandy, right? Until we started discussing Luther's view on marriage and how it was a new way to experience and serve God. I don't necessarily want to say he understood God better but I that was my sense of it.

Thanks. I really appreciate that, Martin. Just what I needed to hear when I was finally excited about being single and serving God. Then I hear that to really experience God, I should get married. “It makes me think I'll never have a chance to figure out what it's all about.” Michelle Branch sings that line. “But there's no lack of arms around me.” That's Michelle again, in the Wreckers, this time. She speaks to my heartbreak. I don't want to believe that I'm missing something by being single. I've got plenty of people that hug on me. I don't want to believe that by not being with someone, I am missing an experience of God. I can't stand the thought of being incomplete. I am NOT incomplete. Or rather, in a more cheesy sense of it, we are all incomplete without God. But God's the only piece of the puzzle that could ever make us complete. Right?

So what's the answer? I know that marriage is no great cure to loneliness. I know marriage isn't easy. I know it doesn't suddenly make life better. I just can't get over the idea that by not getting married, I won't be able to know another human being at the depth that I could if I were married. There was a line in a movie the other day that spoke to this.
-------------------

Joe Black: ...But Allison loves you?
Quince: [Quince nods yes between stifled sobs]
Joe Black: How do you know?
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay. You're free! You're free to love each other completely, totally. Just no fear. So there's nothing you don't know about each other, and it's okay.

--------------
Yes, it's from Meet Job Black. Still, the sentiment caught me. And hearing some of my married friends talk about their spouses doesn't help. You all married some amazing people. It's true. They've set high standards for those that follow.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. Act I at least. Now what are yours?

A Fine Frenzy is not RED, I think she's great though.

This came on in the midst of my paper writing. Not the best thing musically but still beautiful lyrically and a nice gentle tune. Speaks the universal ache of all students right now, especially seminary students (I am biased...). My philosophy of ministry is indeed Hope for the Hopeless.

"Stitch in your knitted brow
And you don't know how
You're gonna get it out
Crushed under heavy chest
Trying to catch your breath
But it always beats you by a step, all right now

Making the best of it
Playing the hand you get
You're not alone in this

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope

Cold in a summer breeze
Yeah, you're shivering
On your bended knee
Still, when you're heart is sore
And the heavens pour
Like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it

Running against the wind
Playing the cards you get
Something is bound to give

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope
There's hope
There's hope

There's hope."

Thanks once again to A Fine Frenzy for being a musical genius. ;

(Here's the link to a YouTube vid.)

p.s. I cannot focus. I just cannot think straight. I cannot buckle down and get this work done. HELP!!!!

Abs is not RED, but she IS featured in a blog...

So I don't really have time to plunk out a post because I am just a little bit behind in every class. So this afternoon - catch up!!! I'm reading Luther's Three Treatises. Woot, woot.

I shall leave you, then, with a fabulous new blog read (and some freakin' ridiculously cute photos from the blog) at L's blog, raisingbaby.wordpress.com. This is her most recent post. On a side note, I have no idea how Abs got so big - she'll be six months in a week!!!!



ENJOY!!! (and say a little prayer that I make it to the end of the semester with a smile as big as Abs' on my face)

Lemons are not RED... the background of the blog title

Many people ask and I always forget to post the answer. So here it is, once and for all.

Why is my blog titled Lemons are not Red?

It all started in DC, actually. I had just set up this blog and was avidly searching for a name. TN to Chicago was the actual site address. That'd work.... But I wanted something more. Something that had to do with life. Something that had to do with me, would, of course be nice.

So Kels and I are winding down from a day of museum tours. As we are riding the escalator down from... the... uh... museum who has a name I've forgotten, I see into the book store and my eyes are caught. On the top shelf with the children's books I see this:


What a fabulous title! I wonder what it's about? Don't you? So I delightfully skip into the bookstore and pull this book off the shelf. Let me preface this by saying that I like to collect children's books. I've always loved them. My dad brought me back Bon Soir La Lune (french for Goodnight Moon) from his bike ride in France and I realized that I could collect books from places I visited. Useful souveniers! (Eventually.) I picked up a beautiful Cinderella book from the Alabama Shakespeare Festival back in highschoool and a beautiful Austrian children's book from a local artist in Vienna, and others along the way. It's fun.

So "Lemons Are Not Red" is a kid's book. The first page says "Lemons are not red..." and there is a cut out of a lemon shape that has a red background. So you turn the page and it says "Lemons are yellow!" And it has the proper yellow background because you've turned the page. It goes on like this saying that "Elephants are not blue... elephants are gray." Etc. It is fabulous.

So it became my blog title. That and I think I appreciate the RED part of it... being a red head and slightly obsessed with the color red. There can also be said something about that whole life hands you lemons phrase and this being a blog about transition, etc. Yeah?

So that's the long involved answer. I just liked the title of a book I saw and stole it. I might revamp the blog soon. Would that confuse you all??

EDIT: Look what I just found!! I need this!!! "The Red Lemon"

This pie isn't RED, it is orange...

Did you guess? I made pumpkin pie!!!!

I have no idea if it tastes good or not, but by jove (never actually typed that phrase - is that right?), I've done it!! I actually made two. One regular and the other with a little less evap milk plus honey and vanilla. Should be interesting to do the taste test. Lol. Either way, yay for pie! Corinna's crew plus plus is having an early thanksgiving and they invited me. They feed me often so I especially adore them.

Oh! I have a new deal with my friends. Well, two actually. The first is that I will do dishes (not kisses as one friend misheard) if you feed me. The other is that I will give you a backrub if you play music for me. This means, however, that you have to sing or play an instrument. You can't simply turn on your stereo. Unless, of course, you have personally made me a mix cd or something. :)

I think this is going to catch on and my ears and belly will be happy... even if my hands are callused freaks!!

Poetry is not RED, it is... uh... Blue. Violets, too!

I loved that you all loved my laundry post. And I love having fresh clean clothes to wear!!! I'm glad I've surrounded myself with anal retentive people... or at least with people that like nice smelling laundry. I forgot to add a charming tale of my roommate, however. The first time I did a few loads of laundry, I hung a lot of it up to dry all over my room. I had several pieces in my doorway, hanging on the door ledge. So she walks in and goes, "WOW! It smells so nice!!" And she walked up to one of my shirts hanging there and breathed in deeply.

I knew we'd get along after that. ;)

So tonight was awesome because the seminary had an open mic night. I read poetry. Two real poems from real poets and one of my own making last week. They liked it! The best part, however, was when Josh decided to cant Baby Got Back. So you know in church when someone sings a line of text all on the same note and only the last few words go up or down? That bit of the liturgy? Well, Josh did that... to Baby Got Back. I almost died laughing on that couch. *sigh* Good times.

Yeah, don't ever say we take ourselves too seriously. Or say that - and know that we then counteract that over serious side by being utterly SILLY.

I heart it here. It feels a little more like a place I can call home every day. Or maybe that's just Alison 2.1 (George's modification is the .1 instead of .0 - he says its... cooler?). She's emerging. She's getting stretched and growing up (*gasp!*).


Poem for your enjoyment follows (though I do highly suggest reading it aloud to catch the rhythm):
----------------------------
You said you'd number his descendants
Like the stars if he could count them.
So what about me, Lord, my stars?

Will I, too, wait until I barren and old
Before you bless me and I am Sarah?
Even then, will I find my womb full
Of warring brothers that refuse to love
Until they war with you and send out an army?
Will I find myself finally with family
Only to pull unleavened bread and run
Into whatever wilderness you've set before me?

Will I find armies at my back, dear LORD?
And will your hand wash them in the river,
Destroy them with an overwhelming tide?
Will you provide, from the sky, a kind of bread
And grant respite, from the sun, with a cloud?
Will you send your blessing down the mountain
And give me the words that guide me?

Will you forgive my golden idols
And my attempts to tempt a king?
Will you forgive my generation for it's doubts
Or for our parents' attempts to build into the sky?
Can your children ever stop questioning
and for once live up to their promises?
Your promises - ours.
-------------------------
Love always,
1L

p.s. I keep fussing with the last line or two....
p.p.s. and do you have any title suggestions? all the ones I come up with are corny... Something about covenant... or counting stars...

EDIT: p.p.p.s. A Covenant of Counting Stars (???)

Laundry is RED, black, white, pink, orange, blue...

So here's the honest truth: I love doing laundry.

The sad part is, it is down three flights of stairs in a scary basement/cellar/dungeon. Also, I never have the time to set aside to get it done so when I finally DO laundry, I have about three loads. Because one (of two) of our washing machines downstairs won't drain, this limits us to ONE washer. So who really cares that you have two dryers? Anyway, the point is, I love doing laundry.

I think part of it is my anal retentiveness. Any one of you that has EVER watched me fold laundry like I really like it folded can attest to the fact. I scared Taren and Nessa to death on our mission trip in AZ when I was folding baby blankets for a woman's shelter right off the rez. I had to have them perfect. They thought (...think?) I was crazy.

This laundry problem gives me an excuse to fully express my anal retentiveness in semi-productive and useful ways. Not that it really matters that all my pants are tri folded to right about the same size so they'll fit in my drawer perfectly. Or that my shirts aren't curled up on the bottom sides. I'm sure it doesn't make a bit of difference that my underwear is also tri folded perfectly. I suppose to some extent, I always know what is clean. If it isn't perfectly folded, chances are I wore it. The things that are sloppily refolded are the things I tried on and rejected. The things hung on hooks over my door or on doorknobs are the things I wore for too short a time for them to be dirty. But they aren't clean. So they hang out. On laundry day, all of them go into the to-be cleaned pile.

Okay, it's true - I'm so not green when it comes to laundry. But I like clean clothes. Something to do with smelling good? Haha. Whit got me to convert to scent free simple detergent. The W's got me to convert back. I like clothes that smell fresh and clean. And yes "fresh and clean" is a scent! It says so on my detergent.

Okay, enough about laundry. Basically I just enjoy the excuse to be a perfectionist. :)

LOVE is RED

Um... This gave me chills. I don't know where you all stand on the issue of gay marriage or even of gay rights, but I think everyone needs to hear this. I couldn't say it any better. (Transcript follows. I bolded the parts that spoke to me.)



Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.
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And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics. This is about the human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want—a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them—no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights—even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage. If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing, centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children, all because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage.

How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness—this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness—share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate.

You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know. It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow person just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge. "It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all: So I be written in the Book of Love; I do not care about that Book above. Erase my name, or write it as you will, So I be written in the Book of Love."

Hippos are not RED, but mine is minty green!

Some of you may remember Hippo. This is Hippo. Upside down on his back with his left leg crossed in front of his body. Awesome.

Hippo slept with me last night for the second night in a row. Hippo hasn't slept with me for a long time so this has to say something. I'm just not sure exactly what it says. He could tell you that I successfully spent 12 hours in bed last night, though. At 7:30, I crawled into bed to check email and watch Pushing Daises. Then I read a little for class and turned off the light. I was just that tired from the day (it didn't help that someone in one of my groups essentially yelled at us for not truly being involved in the community - and he was right). So I turned off the light. Around 4am, I was awake. Trying to decide if it was okay to get up then knowing I had class until 9:30pm tonight. No, I'd never make it. So I went back to sleep after some honest prayer about my future.

Of course now I have a headache and feel just as tired since I OVER slept. I just can't win! I'm days behind on laundry and am currently in what I refer to as my "skinny" jeans. Oh today!

To top it all off, I had a troubling dream. (Yes, trust me, I didn't want to get out of bed, even after 12 hours.) I was hugging on and laughing with an old friend. And by "old friend" I mean a guy I used to be friends with. I might see him soon. So I guess I've been thinking on that recently.

So my question is, what do you do about getting back together with an old friend? Perhaps it needs to be said that he completely burned me. I've never truly gotten over it, either. Though I have been able to listen to music we enjoyed together (which is kind of a sacred thing for me). Do you forgive? Move on? How do you speak to the pain? How do you say that you hurt me and I'm not sure if we can ever be friends again knowing that is how you treat your friends? On the other hand, I'm sure he needs people that love him in his life. Don't we all? My question is if I can get over the hurt and be his friend if and when I do see him. Can I? Could you?

EDIT: From my fabulous mother: "Some times I think dreams are meant to be our soul doing its healing work." Which I think is definitely true. Thanks mama!

Sound is not RED, it is a wave and not a color!

Hamilton randomly likes to be silent for no reason.

I found this today:
http://www.pchell.com/support/no_active_mixer_devices_available.shtml

Please note the website is called PC HELL.

Hamilton is now happily singing to me.

JOY!

Sundays are not RED, unless you are in that liturgical season...

And this Sunday I shall attend.....

A Roman Catholic church with Sally and whoever else decides to join us. We leave in a few minutes!

Let me say, however, that when I first got here, I didn't go to church for a few weeks. The city was too big, too scary, and everyone and everything was new. But in the past few weeks, I have really enjoyed going to all kinds of different churches. It actually started off with the Greek Orthodox church. Then for Reformation sunday I went to Holy Trinity and loved it. Last week I was with the Tyce man watching him get water poured on his head (he slept through - success!!). And this week, I'm going to a Roman Catholic.

Something else that has changed, I guess, is my actually enjoying attending church. I'll be honest and say that it is difficult to go some, er most, days. I wanted to sleep in or I wanted to stay in pajamas. Or I didn't want to deal with fake smiles. I didn't want to deal with my own thoughts about how the sermon wasn't up to par or the bread was Hawaiian bread (yum) for communion and that was both fantastic and frightening. It was so easy to cast a critical eye, especially since I was off to seminary. I kept thinking how I could and would do it differently.

I think it has been particular comments that have really been changing my view. I'm not sure who said the first one, but I think it was the W's friend, Michael, that if you go to church seeking God, he will meet you there. No matter where it is. I love that. It is completely true. If you are going because you are supposed to, chances are you won't get very much out of it. The second one was here at LSTC during chapel orientation. He said we had to be forgiving of each other and open to the different ways of doing things. He said he knew that we'd be thinking how we could have done it better. So put those thoughts aside and just sit back and experience God.

So, friends, I'm off to experience God. And no matter where you are, I hope you get a taste of his presence in your day, too.

Pinky toes are RED, especially when they are COLD!

This is the view from my window. The trees are just gorgeous. Of course, the weather has turned cold again (and REALLY windy) so I am once again bundled up in sweaters and fuzzy blankets with stars on them. ;) The great irony, however, is that I am still in flip flops. This is partially due to the fact that I don't have much winter footwear... but mostly because my poor little pinky toe refuses all footwear besides flip flops. This also means no fuzzy socks for me. So sad... and cold!

So when you say your prayers tonight, say a little one (and I mean a really little one) for my toe and for the outcome of these blocks of ice as I trudge through piles of leaves. Oh the joy!!

In other news, it is a quiet weekend here on campus. I think we all have so much work to do and it is been rather dreary outside, that we are keeping indoors and buckling down. I worked on Greek this morning/afternoon. I did history last night. Later this afternoon I am hoping to retake the test I failed so he'll average them together and I'll have a semi-decent grade. I'm also finishing up my collage project on the Iconoclastic Controversy. Here, see what you think:

The title is buried in the middle: Iconoclasts & The Faces of the Modern Church: Redefined.

Like it? It had been so long since I had done a collage. I got two bottles of elmers glue and went to town. I felt like I was back in fourth grade picking the glue off my skin and pretending it was skin peeling. Remember those days? *Sigh* I do, I do.

Henry and Hamilton are not RED, they are pretty much gray

While with Henry last Thursday:

We drove to Washington.
Rocked out and sang to Lady Antebellum and Sasha's Mix.
Reorganized my wallet and purse.
Enjoyed a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi. Mmm...
Talked to Sasha, Whitney, Em, and Aunt Susan.
Enjoyed weather in the 60's.
Composed this list.
Watched a beautiful sunset (no really, crisp blue and warm shades of orange...).
Arrived safely to "Welcome Home."

While sitting at my desk today so far today (some with Hamilton):

I called USAA and set up banking, car insurance, and renters insurance. YAY!!
Listened to my sibling's mix to make sure it is fabulous before burning it.
Prepared to mail magazine clippings to a friend (Yes, I'm turning into my grandma... and I think that's okay!!)
Called Joy back about a job for J-term at the church across the street.
Hamilton and I wished the footballers luck on their victory (follow) and typed this blog.
Updated my calendar for November and December (events include Thanksgiving with the W's, Wicked with family, test dates, and the end of the semester... WOW!).

OBAMA WINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my celebration toast with Jen and Sarah! We started crying during his speech...

Our next President of the United States of America: BARACK OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. I can say that I bled for Obama. ---Yeah, I got cut on the stone steps at Freebies. My left pinky toe is bleeding. For Obama. Lol.

p.s.s. You wouldn't believe the noise on the streets here in Chicago. Honking horns and cries of celebration. I didn't go to Grant Park but why, when the nation is celebrating!!!!!!!!!!?

This Blog is not RED, it is actually BLUE - Can't you see it?

I am cautiously optimistic.... and hopeful... and scared to death.

There is one thing I know for sure, however, and that is:


I'll be up late... and I'll be with friends.

Other blogs are not RED, but who cares? They still make me laugh.

(My 100th post!!!!! )

Note: I deleted a random interim post with a link because I dated my Dirty Dancing post to a few days ago when I actually began composing it and didn't want to confuse you (if you didn't follow what I just said, ignore what I just said and read on). So I thought instead I would post a post about posts and explain what I've been reading lately....

I Know My First Name Is Cooper (link)
-I discovered this last night. This is a cat blog (yes, momma, some people have too much time on their hands, but don't we all wonder what our pets REALLY think??) and it makes me laugh. Pictures, too! This post is a one about the cat being black and being raised by a single white woman and how he's voting for Obama because he can relate to him. HA.

Stuff Christians Like (link)
-a witty blog by a Christian making fun of Christians and the traditions that generally surround church. "I would make a pretty sucktacular almighty." That's from this post that made me laugh out loud. Bonus: wise and sage commentary on life in the trenches (aka Christian living). I love it!

Hype Machine (link to my page)
-This is a site that combines all the popular music blogs that are out there and categorizes them by artist and song. So if you've heard a few whispers here and there about MGMT and want to hear their sound, you go here. Type MGMT. Then you can hit the triangle and listen to it on the page. Generally if you "read full post" you will find you can download the tracks to listen to on your own time. This site has been my link to some amazing new music. I'm hooked to Noah and the Whale right now. - - You can also listen by individual blog. My favorite is generally Music for Kids Who Can't Read Good (link to blog on hype machine)(link to actual blog).

That should be enough to keep you busy. What are your favorite online reads?

Alison 2.0 is RED. And feeling fabulous.

So for months, years possibly, I have been excited about moving to Chicago, starting seminary, and beginning the next chapter. Though I was (and will be) scared to pieces with the thought of change, it has a way of giving blessings in strange and almost miraculous ways.

I am so happy here. Something about this past week has signaled that a change has taken place. Do you ever do that? Get so busy you don't notice that a change has occurred? Then you step back and go, wait! How'd that happen?

Well, Whit has affectionately termed this new me, this big adventure - "Alison 2.0."

I think there are both external factors and internal ones. Ones you could see and ones you couldn't. I think this is the case with all change, however. It permeates into every facet of your life. Right?

So, let me try to explain this update version, this Alison 2.0 to you.

I feel like I am exactly where I need to be. Like so much of my life has been leading up to this place at this time. What first comes to mind is being in Chicago on the eve of a very important presidential election in the same neighborhood where my hopeful is from. Why is this exciting beyond the obvious? ---I am finally getting into politics. As recent as a year ago, I hated them. Yes, I am using the word, HATE. Politics divided people and someone was always full of shit and missing the point. Why waste time arguing and going around in circles when it wasn't going to change anyone's mind? But, something changed. Something shifted. I actually enjoy talking to my TN friends who are going for McCain and discussing why they are excited about Sarah Palin. Maybe I have exceptionally unique friends in that we don't argue - we discuss - but I think a lot of it has to be on my side of things, too. Who would have ever thought I would have enjoyed politics??

The outward appearance of me has changed. Of course it is easy to see the glasses. Something about them however, and the coinciding shift into Chicago fall/TN winter has me feeling good about the way I look. I feel cute in my glasses. My hair is a good length. I am really enjoying playing with layers and looks and my scarves (though the shoe department is lacking at the moment in closed toed shoes). My fabulous roommate even told me she loves the way I dress. Let me make it clear - no one has EVER loved the way I dressed. Why? I never really cared. Well, I would care a few days out of the month. Funny how those were the days I got complimented on how I looked (no matter if I was dressed up or dressed for work - as long as I cared, I got noticed). So with the glasses, with the layering fun of a winter wardrobe, and slightly more positive outlook, I feel great. I also took the advice of my George friend and went shopping today with T. I got a really beautiful light purple scarf and an adorable red and black checked top at the Gap.

I will continue later with more updates on Alison 2.0. Thoughts and comments so far?

Dirty Dancing is not red, it seems to be pink!

If you've known me for any good length of time, you know that I've been obsessed with Dirty Dancing my entire life. And no, that's really not an exaggeration. I've been watching the movie for as long as I can recall. (Yes, as far back as I can remember, I have been watching Dirty Dancing. It has only been in the later part of my life that I ever realized all the subplots. When I was little, I just liked the dancing.)

....I was thrilled to find out it was going BROADWAY. And even more thrilled when Dad and I got tickets for his birthday visit to see the show during its pre-broadway run in Chicago. Sweet!

It completely lived up to my expectations and exceeded them! I was grinning and squealing the entire time. They had all the really good lines and the amazing scenes. I was fascinating with the set that cleverly employed modern technology (think about all the scene changes in the movie...). The guy playing Billie was phenomenal. Amazing singer. Really talented actor. (Whit, I promise I will look up his name and ask you about him soon). The show was just really, really fun. We had a good time.

Bonus: I am now the proud owner of a Kellerman's shirt. Watch for its appearance on my person soon. ;)

My glasses are not RED, they are brown and cream

Here are my glasses, for you....

One on the side as well so you can see the pretty design... and the profile. I love them!!

My journal is partially red, and greasy, and crumbled...

Wreck this journal check list:

Put a page through the washer and stuck it back in.
Took it in the shower with me.
Threw journal across the room as a random destructive act.
Used journal as a hat/umbrella in the rain.
Burnt a page. Smeared marshmallow goo over another page.
Had friends sign where they did damage.
Smeared dinner across a page. Used the opposite page as a napkin.


It's going well. And I just bought paint for future projects involving vegetables, my hair, and various objects from "the office."

I GOT THE JOB!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!

Did I tell you I was applying for one? I've had a little too much time on my hands... to spend money that I've not been making at the coffee shop. Yes, apparently no other store in the world will ever be as awesome as my store is. The lady in charge was completely disorganized and I just couldn't work for her. That and I felt it was time for something new.

So about a month ago, an email was sent out asking for applications for a student assistant for the candidacy office. I immediately went and applied. I interviewed this last week. It is all to do with organizing and confidentiality. Right up my alley. And... I just got the email that I got the job!! I'm so excited! New glasses and a job all in one day? It feels just like Christmas. :)

*Sigh* I'm so happy.

Matchbox Twenty is... RED? Perhaps Yellow?

So I woke up with this song playing in my head. Not sure why as I haven't listened to Matchbox Twenty in years. Perhaps I caught a few notes on someone's radio as I walked by yesterday? Anywho, the lyrics are good for me:

--------------------------------------
"BURN"
I thought about leaving but I couldn't even get outta bed.
I'm hangin' cause I couldn't get a ride outta town.
Now anyone who really wanted me to be down, Come 'round.

Thought about singin' but I couldn't remember all of the words.
Breakin' but I couldn't get the pieces apart.
Laughin' never knowing what the joke was about.
Now I'm down.

And I wonder how I never got the burn,
And if I'm ever gonna learn
How lonely people make a life
One strain at a time.

Forgot about everything and everyone I needed before.
Tryin' to get a handle on a reason to shine.
Pickin' up the pieces that are falling behind takes time.

So I wonder how I never got the burn
And if I'm ever gonna learn
How lonely people make a life
One strain at a time and still shine
(Chorus repeats)
------------------------------

So there's that...

I've had a fairly productive week. I went to get my eyes checked yesterday and ordered new glasses!!! I can't find a picture of them online anywhere so you'll just have to wait until they're on my face and I take a picture. I CAN'T WAIT!! I hope I didn't make a hasty decision with them. But they just fit me, so I couldn't say no. Anyway, that feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm so excited!!!

Guess that's all the news I have. What are you up to?

EDIT: They called around 2 to say my glasses were ready. So guess what I'm wearing now.... ??

Life is not RED, unless you are having a case of the Mean Reds with Holly

"Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
Ive looked at life that way

Well somethings lost, but somethings gained
In living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now."
-Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now

Yes, Joni. I've looked at life from both sides now. From up and down. Well, I haven't died and come back to life or anything so dramatic. In a way, however, I feel on top of things that I used to feel I was drowning in. There's something freeing about praying over your to-do list and for ONCE getting it done. I don't like praying over my to do lists or my goals for the day or week. It feels cheesy. It feels like I'm bugging God and asking her to help me with things I should be capable of all on my own.

Then again, it works...

I don't know what exactly it is. I have more focus. When I start to listen to music or do something random, my thoughts shift back to the task on hand. Normally at that point I would simply give up and say, "eh." I am the queen of procrastination. I've got it down. And despite how many people are diagnosed and misdiagnosed with A.D.D., I really think we've all got a little bit of it. It's human. We get distracted!

But I've actually been calling places. I'm getting my eyes checked tomorrow and hopefully figuring out some new glasses soon. I called my future (hopefully) CPE site. I'm working on the application. I did laundry. I went grocery shopping. And I even wrote a note to my old landlord. It feels good to be productive!! I had forgotten....

So, thanks for listening. I'm going to go eat some chicken casserole that I made today (yes, that grocery shopping thing is amazing) and read before class. :)

*Hugs*

Country Music tagged as cure for depression

So you may have realized that last week I was depressed. Missing home. Feeling a little heart broken. Behind on homework. The week just was not fabulous.

I couldn't tell you exactly what cured me... what liberated me from my funk. I did get to dance a little bit. I socialized. I turned in some homework. I got over my broken heart. I got mail.

...and I listened to country music.

I don't know what it is exactly about country music but I feel like it gets me. I'm not saying I love it all. Some of it ridiculous, twangy, and trite. But there's so much more to it than that. Sometimes, you need a little corny in your life. You need someone crooning at you and telling you that love is possible, believing in God is possible, and holding onto who you are is possible. Life is possible. "Every heartache makes you stronger! But it won't last much longer. You'll find love, you'll find peace, and the you you are meant to be. I know that's not the way you feel right now, but one day you will...." That'd be Lady Antebellum. Whitney sent me their cd. (God bless you, Whit.)

I'm not sure why I feel so at home listening to country music. It could merely be the attachment to Nashville and Tennessee that I will always have. Is country music just a piece of that? Well, you could argue that, I guess. But sometimes, those cheesy country lyrics and twang are just EXACTLY what I need to get through the day. I realize I'm a girl... and I'm a word person that loves lyrics... and my love language is words of affirmation.... but country music gets me.

Sort of like bad poetry? Sometimes you don't have the energy to see the depths and nuances of really amazing poetry. Sometimes you need simple straightforward words that say that roses are red and violets are blue. I love country music, how about you?

Words are GOLD, so are Patens

On another note, you know how you hear a word once that you've never heard before and then you hear it two or three more times within about a week?

Word of the Week: ** PATEN ** (no, not a patent)

Who's heard of it? Yeah, I hadn't either. Until this week. Then it was woah.

1st occurrence: I was listening to Alela Diane's song, "Rifle" (that I've been listening to on repeat and missing my brother because of it). She's got this line, "Brother I'm so sorry that you watched the Patens burn. I've been holding onto the gold when letting go would free my hands." I figured she was saying "painting" with an accent, like "paintin's" or similar. Then the gold would be the frame on a painting. Right? Well, I looked up the lyrics and it says "patens" with a capital P. Odd, huh?

2nd occurrence: Today, in church. I don't remember exactly when I saw the word but I chuckled at seeing this random word for a second time.

3rd occurrence: Okay, I'm cheating by calling it the third occurance because I really just came home and looked it up on wiki. According to wiki, "A paten, or diskos, is a small plate, usually made of silver or gold, used to hold Eucharistic bread which is to be consecrated." So it is the little plate that we put the bread on during communion. Sweet.

In the eastern church, however, it is far more fascinating. "For Christians of the East, the diskos symbolises the Virgin Mary, who received Christ into her womb, and gave him birth; and also the Tomb of Christ which received his body after the Crucifixion, and from which he resurrected."

Wiki also says that "During the Divine Liturgy it is not only the Lamb (Host) that is placed on the diskos, but also particles to commemorate the Theotokos, the Saints, the living and the departed. Thus, on the diskos is represented the entire Church: the Church Militant and the Church Triumphant, arrayed around Christ." In non-Jesus-talk, the entire church (Jesus, his mother, the saints, the living members of the church, and those already dead) is atop that paten.

So how much cooler did the song just get? A LOT COOLER.

==> Brother, I'm so sorry that you had to watch the entire church burn. But I'm holding onto it when it'd be so much easier to let it go.

Woah.

Kiss his hand, receive bread.

I heart the Greek Orthodox church.

The visit this morning was fabulous. I absolutely loved the Priest. The service was long and mostly in Greek... and we stood for a lot of it, but it was all so beautifully worded ("the mercy of grace") and the building itself had all these gorgeous icons on the wall and the canting.... *sigh*

Maybe I just missed church. I haven't been for a few Sundays. I always forget that when I go there I feel at home. It doesn't even matter if it is an entirely different tradition than my own. There's something about prayer that feels right within me.

That, and since I am learning Greek, it was amazing to sit and listen to it being read/sung by these beautiful voices. It was so rewarding to recognize Greek words and to see them in use. I loved it...

I've also been listening to Josh Groban all day. So mix a little sentimental Josh Groban music with a little Greek canting and you have a day that feels like sunset. :)

"Through darkness, don't you ever stop believing. With love alone, with love you'll find your way." -JG

Creation parties are RED, sure. They're also filled with fruit.

No thoughts? Well, I guess I'll just give you a random assortment of mine.

Went to IKEA today and got my roommate a new foam mattress. Hopefully she is sleeping contently on that new bed. I got new sheets for my bed and a rug for my squeaky floor. It doesn't really make a difference, but I prefer stepping on it in bare feet than I do the hard wood. It is a beautiful navy color and it matches my curtains. Yay!!

Had a lovely visit with my cousin. Toured campus. Had some amazing breakfast food at Mellow Yellow on 53rd. Then chilled and talked and watched a MI:III (though it skipped part way through for no good reason and I wanted to cry). We had a good time not stressing about going to museums and such.

Went with my Jen friend to Wrigleyville last night to meet some of her friends. I successfully rode the trains!! Well, just the Red Line. STILL, I am a proud owner of a CTA card and I know where to swipe it, etc. Yes, I am taking over Chicago, one public transit system at a time.

The downside was that when we came back by train at 1:30am, we had to wait until around 2am for the bus that runs to take us the rest of the way. At least I had Jen. There's no way I'd ever do that alone. Hello taxi!!

Went to a creation party tonight. Some random group of scientists decided that the world was finished being created by GOD on October 18th at 8:36pm. So we celebrated their idiocy by dressing up and having a party. I went as darkness. Kendra went as light. There was an adam, a bunch of grapes (fruit of the tree...), Lilith, "the lesser light," and various people with leafy contraptions or nature like elements and those in regular clothing. Quite fun. I love us.

So that's what I know. I'm going to an Eastern Orthodox service tomorrow. Partly to experience it, and partly to write a reflection paper for one of my classes (we have options on what to do the paper on, I chose this as one of mine). So, I'm really excited about that. There's a little group of us going. So, when I'm avoiding cleaning the apartment tomorrow, expect a blog about that!

*HUG*

p.s. I let the word out that I like hugs and now I have people that I hug (or get hugged by) every time I see them. It is QUITE fabulous. Thanks Sally. Thanks David. Keep 'em coming.

apology and request

This is my official apology for my lack of posts lately. I simply don't know what to write about. So I'm asking you... what would you like to hear? More about classes? Thoughts on my heart being stretched? Friends? Visits?

As an aside, my cousin from MN is coming to visit today!!! YAY!!! And then I have to go grocery shopping. I have been unfreezing bagel halves and making pb and jelly with almost moldly/stale bread from last week. It's a sad state.

My Political Rant is most certainly about the RED and BLUE - Feel free to ignore... or comment!

Someone told me the other day that the crazies are coming out of the wood work. People actually chanting bad things about Obama at a republican convention?? I try not to watch too much news because it essentially depresses me to a point where I can do nothing but feel outraged (which is perhaps the point, I realize - but I'm at seminary, this is my little contribution to the shit the world finds itself in). I have to say, though, that I am frustrated.

Got a ridiculous email from a friend down in TN about how someone was going to be on the news to tell the TRUTH about Obama. Yup, the truth. Here's a selection for your amusement:
"HANNITY IS GOING BACK TO OBAMA'S EARLIER DAYS, SHOWING EVEN THEN HIS TIES TO RADICAL PROFESSORS, FRIENDS, SPIRITUAL ADVISERS, Etc., HE STATED THIS EVENING THAT HE WILL SHOW IN DETAIL HIS TIES TO REV. WRIGHT FOR 20+ YRS (which we all know) HOW HE WAS PARTICIPATING WITH THIS MAN, AND NOT FOR THE REASONS HE STATES!"

Yup. All caps. The entire email.... One last tidbit for you: "THIS IS SERIOUS,EVERYONE."

Really? I didn't think the election of the next president was serious. I thought it was a game in which I could pretend to be an absolute idiot and know nothing about the candidate I support.

Then my Whit sent an article that made me smile, finally. Someone outraged and more eloquent than I. Here, go read then come back to me. Go. Read.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alan-cumming/why-is-america-so-content_b_134325.html

Now I know that if you are a republican reading that, you were most likely offended. And for that, I'm sorry. I know Republicans think I'm blind, though. People keep telling me stories about Obama, 1) expecting me to believe them, 2) expecting me to believe that they make a difference in his ability to be president, and 3) expecting to change my vote. Nope. Sorry.

I am voting for Obama. You vote for whomever you want to. I promise I'll still be your friend. :)

What's worse? I assure you there are people who have no idea there is an election coming up or who the candidates are. Don't believe me? Journey back with me to Tuesday. I am out with my cousins and my new lil' 2nd cousin (or is he once removed?). So we journey into the eye store to check out new frames (yes, I am getting new glasses soon!!). Nate casually jokes that we should find ourselves a pair of Sarah Palin glasses. The clerk/attendant who is assisting our selection process says, "Oh, I don't know who that is. I don't watch much tv." She later adds, "Is she a designer? Or a model or something?" T, Nate, and I exchange glances. Who's going to tell this woman that she's not a designer but a VP nominee for the future president of the country YOU LIVE IN...? I think I finally mumbled something about her being the Republican VP candidate. The girl said "Oh..." but we aren't confident she had any clue who we were talking about.

It made me want to cry. At least my Republican friends have done their research and KNOW who Sarah Palin is and who her running mate is... even if they don't know her glasses. Ha. ;) (WINK!)

So my point? Let's agree to disagree. That's the whole point of elections. Just stop the bullshit slinging and go vote.

*Sigh*

My journal is not RED, but it is AWESOME

Retail Therapy with Sasha:



My new favorite book.

A link to the website since you can't really open the book. Oh wait, you can on amazon.

Opening up to a random page, it tells me to fill the page with circles. Another page says to collect my pocket lint and glue it to the page.

This is so my kind of book. A little chance to break all the rules... all contained within the wonder of a little journal.

*Sigh*

My heart is better. How's yours? Who would have thought it possible that a Monday cured the terribleness of the weekend??!! :)

Examples: One of my teachers today wore a black button up shirt. I went for a walk. I listened to James Taylor. I vented with Sasha. We went to Dunkin Donuts (guilty pleasure, yes). Then I did something new - I volunteered at the Living Room Cafe. I loved it!! I think I've had the thought before that serving others generally always cures me of my funk. I don't know what it is about it. But it does. So I leave you with that. Feel free to mail additions to my journal and I will promptly paste them inside with love.

James Taylor is not RED, he is blue, but a happy blue

There has ALWAYS been something about James Taylor's songs and his voice that give me indescribable comfort. I've been saying for years that because of his song, "Sweet Baby James," I would name my own son James. I don't even think I realized when I was younger that the artist who sings Sweet Baby James was named James. It's a song about his nephew, I do believe. An amazing country cowboy lullaby that I will always love.

But there's so much more. And as I've grown up, James Taylor has stayed with me.

"We had to close our eyes. To cut up our losses into doable doses; ration our tears and sighs." That's from Never Die Young which I think is about true love. Actually, I think all of James' songs have something to do with true love, even if the truth of it is that it hurts. "There aint no doubt it no ones mind / That loves the finest thing around." Whether he is seeing some other couple in love, he himself is in love, or he's talking about home.

Then there's the Frozen Man which I originally thought was a silly subject for a song. But it celebrates life. One man's life. His story.
"I said angel of mercy I'm alive or am I dead?
My name is William James McPhee. I was born in 1823.
Raised in Liverpool by the sea, but that ain't who I am.
Lord have mercy on the frozen man..."
That's beautiful! Profound!

And from Carolina in my Mind, he speaks to my situation now:
"With a holy host of others standing round me,
Still I'm on the dark side of the moon.
And it seems like it goes on like this forever.
You must forgive me if I'm up and gone to Carolina in my mind."
Except replace Carolina with Tennessee. I REALLY miss Tennessee. Home.

And on days when the soul sits low, there's classic Fire and Rain,
"Won't you look down upon me Jesus
You got to help me make a stand
You just got to see me through another day
My body's achin' and my time is at hand
I won't make it any other way."
Or simply this one liner that breaks your heart: "Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground."

Then Copperline is another one about Carolina. About the unique nature of our homes. The traditions that no one can explain. Memories of firsts. And the great romantic James is, he sings, "First kiss ever I took / Stole a page from a romance book / The sky opened and the earth shook / Down on Copperline." Love it! Love him. And this line about home: "Tried to go back, as if I could."

What else? Ah, yes. A song that I only recently discovered by James. Starbucks decided to sell James Taylor's live concert album. A CD and DVD combo that I purchased for my Daddy for Christmas last year. The song is "You Can Close Your Eyes" and the words are incredible. I will leave you with them. Peace.

"Well, the sun is slowly sinking down, the moon is surely rising. This old world must still be spinning round, and I still love you.

So close your eyes. You can close your eyes it's alright. I don't know no love songs. I can't sing the blues anymore, but I can sing this song, and you can sing this song when I'm gone.

Well, it won't be long before another day, and we're gonna have a good time. No one's gonna take that time away, and you can stay as long as you like.

So close your eyes. You can close your eyes it's alright. I don't know no love songs. I can't sing the blues anymore, sure but I can sing this song, yes, and you can sing this song when I'm gone."

BONUS: He and Carly performing this song.