Seminary is a strange beast

So there are a few interesting things I've learned about seminary in the past week or so. I thought I'd share.

#1 - The money is scarce. Not only because the economy is crying daily, but for the very nature of seminary. In a regular university or grad school setting, you have graduates who go off to become high salary earners - engineers, lawyers, doctors, technicians, millionaires! In seminary, we go off to become.... pastors. We are working to pay off our own debt - we don't have anything extra to give back to our "alma mater." On top of that, there isn't as much support from the checks on Sunday to the church as you'd think. Not at a lot comes our way despite the fact that we are preparing the church's future leaders. Odd, right? Anywho - money is scarce. That's why LSTC has an entire advancement staff. We need people to find the money...

#2 - We are the tools of our trade. Us. Our person. That's our brain, body, heart, and soul. Everything we have is what we can give to our ministry. This means that we burn out quickly - just like counselors (hooray Mom!). During my CPE interview, Bill asked how I felt about ME being the product/outcome of CPE. What I get out of it will be entirely my own person. So odd and challenging.

#3 - We have very strange ways of celebrating and partying. This is due in part to our "Visions and Expectations" document that holds us to a higher standard. You would expect your pastors to be held to a higher standard, right? This leads us to ask who can we "let loose" around? Who can we truly be ourselves around and not have to set up guards with? Generally... it is our family and each other. So our parties are a very odd mix of letting loose and keeping things in check. (Coincidentally this is why I love hanging out with these people!)

#4 - It doesn't matter how well you can take care of other people if you can't take care of yourself. Thus, what you assumed would be 4 years of study about others and the church is strangely starting out to be a lesson in self-care. This is one of the hardest lessons to learn. I've come SO far since graduating college though. I'm at a much healthier place mentally and physically (or I'm on my way to a really good place, however that sits in relation to my younger years). Sibling and I are doing this amazing calorie logging program on LIVESTRONG.COM website called The Daily Plate. We both love it.

#5 - (Speaking of sibling,) you will always be missing someone. This isn't just seminary - this is life. I am in a fairly constant state of missing people. Most of the time, it is easy to just pull out a few people at a time in a manageable way. Sometimes (like last weekend), I was quite homesick for the people that I call home. Those are the times when I really hate Chicago. It isn't in TN in the slightest.

#6 - The blessings are great. I have this plaque thing I got when we moved Gram into her new place. I asked her if I could have it and she encouraged me to take it. It says: "Lord grant me the patience to endure my blessings. Amen." I adore it and it makes me smile everytime I look at it. Mostly because it is true. I have so many blessings. Not only in the people that surround me in this community, but for the opportunity to study, to be in Chicago, to be a person who is both intelligent and sensitive to those around me, and for the heart I've been given that makes room for new friends and experiences daily. I am very blessed.

Anywho, I am sorry for my slim posting. I've been in this odd contemplative mindset on top of being very busy with all that school nonsense. Endless amounts of reading and reflecting on the reading... etc. But as always, thanks for reading and leave a comment to let me know you are still stopping by. :)

On San Francisco!

San Francisco was a blast. I posted a few pictures for you but I have barely had a minute to gather my thoughts to present them to you. I spent yesterday and the morning before doing catch up things. Laundry. Cleaning the room. Showering. Ya know, necessary things. Haha.

My friend David came out to join us when we went to Foley's Irish Pub and the piano bar underneath. We were serenaded there by a transvestite who enjoyed doing the high and low parts. We went downstairs and had a blast at the piano bar. I loved it!! It might be MORE fun than karaoke!!

Friday, which was Corinna's birthday, we got up and rode the cable car to Fisherman's Wharf, ate lunch at Pier 39, and took the ferry to Alcatraz. Coming back from that, we got caught in a downpour. WHAT a downpour. We were frozen! So we went home to curl up in bed and to recharge our batteries (literally, too - both our cameras were dead). Then we decided we didn't want to go trek through chinatown in the rain - we wanted to go to a chick flick! So we went across the street (our hotel was in a PERFECT spot!) to the mall, ate at the fabulous food court (all local foods - japanese, korean, chinese, american organic, a bakery, and a thai place!), and went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic. The movie was adorable. I enjoyed it!

One of the notes my head made while at the theater and the mall nearby, was that I really am not trendy at all. I like to think that I'm an okay dresser. Seeing them? I really am not. They all had the skiny darkwash jeans and the boots and the hair with the puff in the middle clipped back neatly. I felt like a fashion failure. But when I started to think, "I'm not like that at all...." I realized "I'm not like that at all!!!!" I got happy. I got over not being a fabulous dresser - I spend my time elsewhere. :)

So Saturday, we went to Castro and had breakfast with our admin's sons that lived there. This was the fabulous gay section of town (heard of Harvey Milk? That's the place!). We went from there to Haight Asbury and got Corinna a tattoo! I got a fabulous pair of tiger's eye star earrings and we had a snack at a bakery cafe there. So much fun to be in the hippie section of town. That's a place that would be fun to live. You can walk everywhere! Wear whatever you want (in sharp contrast to the shopping district.... wow!).

Then we went home to recharge again and went back out for the 6pm pillow fight near the Ferry building. Then we made our way back up to some seafood and then Ghiradelli square and back home again by cable car!

We had a miserable trip home Sunday. Our flight got in 5:35am and I got back to the apartment about 7:15am. That pretty much killed my week. Haha.

So I'm catching up. Pictures from the trip are up on facebook. Check em out!

On West

I was upset when I heard I missed Cornel West preach at St. Sabina two weeks ago. So I found the audio to it. I'm going to take a few minutes out of reading about "A Black Pastoral Theology" and listen to the man who speaks truth about it in a much more present and real way than a book can (written in 2003...).

Listen with me: http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2009/02/dr-cornel-west-unplugged.html

p.s. If you don't want to listen to the Cornel West clip, here's a quote from his sermon: "I'm just trying to love my crooked neighbor with my crooked heart." See why I love him?

And in talking about MLK and Obama, West says "Martin Luther (King Jr) wanted us to be lovestruck - not colorblind!" In otherwords, it isn't about NOT seeing color - it's about LOVING deeper. Hello! Don't erase someone's color in the effort to be colorblind - it won't work! Everyone has background and culture and skin color. The point is (and MLK made it a while ago), we aim to be a society that doesn't judge based on the color of skin, but on CHARACTER.

*Sigh* Cornel West makes me happy.

San Francisco

Leaving reality behind is the best and worst part of a vacation....

Do you ever notice that you have to get more stressed out to go on a vacation? I hate that...

I've got 20 million things to do tomorrow. Some I want to do, others I have to do, and other things I should do. Then I am already NOT doing other things. So... this better be worth it!!!! I'm still a little shocked I'm going to be in California tomorrow. Okay, I'm very shocked. I never do these spontaneous little trips. That and the fact that I'm generally a poor college kid doesn't really help my anxiety about the trip.

I know what you are saying in your heads - "relax! Don't worry about! Just go and have a great time!" But that's my general stance and I think that's why I'm so anxious. I have been so focused on everything else this week, knowing that I had this to look forward to (and plan ahead for) that I've neglected to let my head prepare for it.

I'm sure something else should be said about trips also being exactly when you need them to be? Well for once, this would have been an amazing weekend to chill here and breathe. Ah, well. I have time to snap out of it on the 4+ hour plan ride. Oh that reminds me... I need to pack a book and some sudokus!

Have a great weekend. I'll catch you next week. :)

My SR boys

Thought you might be into this. I am. You should be....



This is "Knights of Bostonia" by State Radio. Chad is on the right. Mike is the middle (aka maddog). Chuck is on the far left (you'll see him near the middle of the video).

Thanks to sibling for forwarding on the clip. ;)

On better days and true humility and heat!

Maybe it's the weather (in the 60's tomorrow!). Maybe it was the weekend (recovering away from the city at my Godmother's and a small group sharing /party at a friends in the city on Sat afternoon). Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe it's finally having talked to my roommate about our issues. Maybe it's all that pastoral care reading for class. Or maybe I'm just learning how to deal. ;/

Whatever the case, today has been a great day. I got myself out of bed by 8:15 and even got in the shower and ate real breakfast (cereal and soy - yum!). I pretty much hate mornings in general, so getting out of bed before 9:30 on a Monday was HUGE. Then I went to work. It was a productive morning which always helps the day, I think. I felt cute, which also helps (how nice of Karen to let me do three loads of laundry this weekend so I HAVE the things I like to wear). Chapel was just so-so but I got to eat lunch with friends and discuss our art studio and class (more on that later). Then I came home and read for a bit. Got sleepy so I messed around on the computer for a bit. Heated up some leftovers and put in Romeo and Juliet (Baz Luhrman style). Then class was great. The day was good.

I've also been reflecting. Did I tell you all I was writing a book? Well, I'm writing a book. Not to publish - it's just for me. I needed to go back and process my past romantic entanglements. I told a friend this and she said quite seriously that it was a really unhealthy idea. I assure you - it isn't. My mom called it "grieving" and I think that's quite accurate. I am grieving what is lost. Gaining perspective about myself and life. So I wrote about 5 pages nonstop on a college relationship that I had still yet to process. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Fabulous!

In the pastoral care book I had to read this week, the author discussed "humility" and what that really was. Yes, it is about not being prideful... but it is about being completely honest about yourself. Your struggles AS WELL AS your gifts. You strengths in contrast with your weaknesses. I confess, last week, I was focused on all the things I still had to BE. I had to be healthier, work out more, study harder, listen better, resist chocolate.... etc. It was really depressing.

So that means I was especially elated to read the following from "Hearing Beyond the Words":
"We absorb so much that defies any view of ourselves as gifted, treasured, and beloved by God, that being honest with ourselves may be something we would rather avoid. Honestly looking at ourselves, with appropriate humility, turns out to be an act of courage and holds the potential for abundant blessings."

I was shocked, quite frankly. I had overstepped that humble message to the point that I was tearing myself down. You could see it, couldn't you? In that post about needing to be MORE? Well, I was blue. So I had to sit down with myself and have a little chat about my good qualities. I brought the scales back to normal and I feel so much better. Less... dizzy. I also used it as a kind of "filter" to look back at the college relationship. I was honest. I remembered the good with the bad. It was kind of amazing to remember all the good parts I had forgotten. Made the bad bits not so painful. So that was nice...

Anywho, I thought I'd share. :) How was your day?

California Dreamin'....

I love putting in old CD's and finding good music I had forgotten. I went through a big oldies phase. I still love them, I just don't listen to them as much. Well, I came across California Dreamin' and was shocked how appropriate it is for this week. (I should note, I'm going to California on Thursday....)



LYRICS:

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
Ive been for a walk
On a winters day
Id be safe and warm
If I was in l.a.
California dreamin
On such a winters day

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees
Got down on my knees
And I pretend to pray
I pretend to pray
You know the preacher likes the cold
Preacher likes the cold
He knows Im gonna stay
California dreamin
On such a winters day

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
Ive been for a walk
On a winters day
If I didnt tell her
I could leave today
California dreamin
On such a winters day
California dreaming
On such a winters day

On my school

My classes are amazing. I can't even describe the feeling that I'm almost jealous of myself. I'm hopeful that I don't pass up the opportunity.

My professors are incredible. I'm continually surprised and delighted by how much I LOVE these professors. They are passionate! They are intelligent and gifted and I am so incredibly blessed to be here. I'm almost snobby about it - thinking that no one else will get this incredibly fabulous education if they go anywhere else. I know that no one outside of the ELCA had ever heard of LSTC (and many inside). It wasn't Harvard. It wasn't Vanderbilt. It wasn't Emory. It wasn't the Div school at the University of Chicago! It wasn't the famous Chicago Theological Seminary. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to have an excellent education.

Against all odds, and somewhat settling, I chose LSTC. I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be challenged enough. But I'd make do. I'd be in the city and that would be fun. It was where I was "supposed to be" so I'd be there.

I was wrong. Not about being here... but about thinking it was sub par.

This place never ceases to challenge and impress me. I love it. I love LSTC.

On a new semester beginning

The sermon in chapel this morning was fabulous. It was our very amazing preacher teacher (ha!), though, so we expect great things from him. :)

Satterlee was talking about all the people that we "bring" to seminary with us... and it made me homesick at the same time that it pushed me forward to continue working through this seminary adventure.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Seriously. You have made so much of this possible. Your support has been incredible both in the very beginning when I still said "seminary" with a question mark behind it and a raised eyebrow... and today when the days are long and the streets are cold and my soul is getting stretched.

THANK YOU. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm excited about the classes so far. I'm always surprised how amazing the academics are here. Whenever I start to get doubtful that I'm at a place that challenges all parts of me (body, mind, soul), I am instantly reminded that I'm in a fabulous place. Even with the financial crisis of the nation, the seminary is pulling through. They are making changes that are necessary without damaging the integrity of the school. I respect them so much. I'm quite blessed to be here. I truly am living the dream.

p.s. THANK YOU MAMA for my snail mail care package. I will be enjoying its goodies and thinking of you all week. xoxo

On lacking motivation or will power

Well friends, I hate to say it, but I'm lazy. I love sitting back and watching movies. I love playing games online. I love reading books. I love knitting. I love sleeping.

All this combines to make my life way to sedentary. On top of being away from my girls, sitting in class for hours on end, and HAVING to read for those classes, I'm not active. I'm just not active enough. So no matter how good I can eat, I'm still not healthy. I loved what I heard in a Weight Watchers class once - just try doing a few small things to be more active. Park farther away and walk. Get UP to change the channel. Etc.

So today, during our class break, I walked around the third floor instead of sitting/standing talking near the room. It was nice. Of course, this is after laying around all afternoon (hey, its MONDAY).

Ah, well. Jen, KJ, and I are all getting 3 month gym memberships. This will hopefully motivate me to go. I generally enjoy being active. I just hate that you have to wear different clothes. Then I don't enjoy sweating (apart from the fact that sometimes it is a little badass to be sweating BECAUSE you just ran for an hour or something fabulously fit like that). I also get very self aware. I don't really care that people are watching me. It's not that. It's that I notice that ONE hair that has fallen in my eye... or that my left pant leg is somehow partially tucked under my shoe... or that my ear itches... or that I have a sweat bead rolling down the middle of my back.

I NOTICE IT ALL. So basically, I need to find a way to distract myself. Music helps - to a point (then I notice the headphones or have to find the perfect music....). TV helps - unless it isn't something that interests me.

Any thoughts? Useful motivational tactics for getting me out of bed in the morning (since I only have ONE day where I have to be up early)? Encouragement?

I know at some point... I just have to learn to live with myself the way I am instead of reaching for some better self all the time. But I'd like the self I accept to at least be a LITTLE healthier. Just a tad? Please?

On Random Things

So the latest Facebook trend is to post a list of 25 Random things about you. So when Bema was here last weekend, I composed my own list. Over the past week, most of my family members on Facebook have also posted their lists. I love my family. I feel so blissfully normal around them. Makes me feel a little less... odd. Does that make sense? I am reading their lists and just nodding away. Yup, that's me. Yup, that explains why I do that. Yup, that one too.

And we are all doing that. The Bradley women at least.

So I've been in the vein of thinking about random things. Random things I enjoy. Odd things I do. Peculiar tastes. Unexplainable annoyances. On and on.

So I've been thinking about having longer fingernails. I haven't had long fingernails for at least two years. I worked in a daycare and it was impossible to have longer nails. If they were slightly long at all, I would wind up stabbing the kids or scraping their skin somehow. Long fingernails are the devil when it comes to little kids.

Then I started working at the Coffee shop. Another good reason NOT to have long fingernails. It isn't good to stab customers with your nails when you are handing them their beverage. I promise you - no good.

So I kept them trimmed. They were always polish free (health code thing over coffee and safety for the kids). I tried to maintain them with my little file and did a reasonable job.

I say all this to share with you my delight at being in seminary and letting my nails be long. I love the way they sound on the keyboard. I love the way I can drum them aimlessly on my desk or, even better, a coffee mug (I also delight in the sound my ring makes clicking against the coffee mug handle - I think this is tied to my mother). I'm also a bit of a freak because I like to fold fabric underneath my fingernails (I've heard old folks who are loosing it like to do this and that scares me).

Well, about a month ago, I trimmed my nails on my left hand down when I picked up guitar. You just can't play with long fingernails. I have to be honest and say that I detested it. I LIKE having long nails. Something about them is fun. They aren't even painted (I pick off the paint). I just like them neat and polish free.

Am I crazy?

(On a side note, I think blogging is sort of like composing those lists of random things about yourself. Except for the one line you publish about naming inanimate objects, you write an explanation about it and VOILA! you have a new post. Am I right?)