Humble Humans as Vampire Food

Vampires fascinate me. I don't remember a time when I was fascinated by vampires. Werewolves, zombies, and other fantastical creatures are cool, too.... but they never had the allure that the undead did.

There have been as many interpretations and "rules" about vampires as denominations of Christianity. For instance, they come out in the sun and sparkle or they burn instantly into a pile of ashes and dust. Some people survive being bitten, some die, some turn into vampires after ingesting vampire blood. There are variations on healing powers, enchantment, pleasure/pain, how they sleep, sex drives, and so on. You must approach each "denomination" with eyes and ears open for the differences. (Reference: Twilight Series, Sookie Stackhouse Series, Anne Rice, House of Night young adult fiction series, Buffy, and more.)

The consistent threads in vampire folklore are never the vampires themselves for those rules flux and change from one category to the next. What is consistent and fascinating for me is always the relationship vampires have with humans. The reaction on the human side varies from curiosity to fear and from acceptance to murder. On the flip side, some vampires dismiss the sanctity of human life and devalue them merely as "blood bags." They are the superior race. These vampires are in conflict with the vampires who, for whatever reason, value human life. Sometimes it is their memory of their own human life and their longing for that life once again. Other times, there is a love interest and this shakes up the food chain. And then there are those who simply value humans and see them as equals in this mortal world (though there is also a motivation to get along with humans for selfish desires and ease of "living.")

It always seems to paint an interesting portrait of our own values of humans. Who do we value? See as equals? What is simply around us for the taking? When do our own thoughts of being superior lead to death of the inferior?

It is timely always as we, humanity, lift up lives to preserve and lives to destroy. Casualties in war that are listed as a cold statistic... and often this number reflects only the soldiers on one side of the war - forget the other enemy soldiers or civilians on either side. There are the deaths of homosexual youth catching the attention of the media right now. This is also seen within the church as questions rage on about whether or not it is a sin and how to respond to those brothers and sisters who are GLBTQ or those who believe differently about it than we personally do. And I stand as a woman in a world and culture where we are often devalued, even if jokingly or in jest by well intentioned males.

How do we treat those whom are different than us? How do we value the lives of humans (think outside of family and friends here, even outside your faith or country)? The life of creation as we see it in animals, plants, water, and air? Are we curious or outraged? Accepting or rejecting? How does this effect the world around us, beyond our own front doors?

So while there might be something sinister or Freudian about undead creatures who feed off the blood of humans, what does it say about them that it is human blood that sustains them? Then of course I start to wonder what sustains me that I take for granted daily - a warm bed, food, clean air, sunlight, family and friends, a savior on a cross, technology, the ability to read and write and connect through the internet to the world.

I am humbled.

Depression and Grace

Depression is a funny little beast. I struggle with it. Issues of self worth or loneliness or inactivity creep up and strike me. Sometimes it is situational - my difficult candidacy process, a conversation with someone, the ups and downs of being in relationship with others, CPE last summer, illness...

There is a quote in the foreword of "The Shack" that I reference often: "I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside." (pg 11)

This might be a good opportunity for you to go read my post yesterday on Taste and See.

And since this is Reformation Sunday and we love to talk about the grace of God, I am wondering how it all ties together. How do both our hurts and healings happen through others and where is grace? Do we have to go through the waiting and wondering and wandering so that we are more joyful when whatever it is arrives?

It often seems to me that vacations happen RIGHT when you really need them. A reading week break in seminary or a visit with a friend. Is there some kind of "fulfilling the prophecy" thing going on here? You know a vacation is coming so you allow the stress to build and build? Or is God simply big enough to know when that tension has built high enough that you turn to your God and are rewarded with healing or an answer. "Your faith has made you well."

I don't know. I'm just setting a table full of food for thought. Chow down and let me know what you think.

Blog World

I follow several blogs. I then have to unfollow blogs when writers stop posting. But then I revisit old posts. I find new blogs. The cycle continues. It is a lovely way to connect to the world.

One of the ones I keep returning to: http://oyeperegrina.blogspot.com/

A quote she posted that I love:

"i write because it is dangerous, a bloody risk, like love, to form the words, to say the words, to touch the source, to be touched, to reveal how vulnerable we are, how transient we are. i write as though i am whispering in the ear of the one i love."

-terry tempest williams, red

All By Myself

Well, mostly all by myself. My supervisor preached. But I did everything else. It was terrifying! I survived. The spirit showed up. I was washed in grace. I survived! Did I mention I survived? *big sigh*

Wrestling

Noting all our fears, our broken hips, our battles with God and angels, and our blessings.... I am exceptionally comforted by this passage. It is one of the most beautiful reunions in the entire human story. Jacob is limping to meet his brother who he fears will destroy all he is and has or at the very least turn his face away and reject him.

"But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept."

Distance

There isn't a person I know that doesn't miss someone who is far away. And though most of us miss someone who has died and is no longer on the planet, I'm talking about the missing that could be fixed by a walk or a ride in a car or on a boat or plane.

I have "people homes" scattered around the world. Most are in Tennessee. More are in Chicago, on internship around the US, or in a foreign country. Others are elsewhere. The point is, they aren't here. And that makes being in relationship with people difficult.

From where does your energy come when you know that you are beginning another relationship that will soon be challenged by distance? And though there are no guarantees in any relationship that it will last beyond tomorrow (for life is constantly changing and challenging us), there is comfort in knowing one will get to enjoy it for a while.

I remember telling my friend Rob a few years ago when I knew I was moving to Chicago that I hoped when he turned 21 that he'd have a beer on my behalf to celebrate (knowing I wouldn't be there). And he looked at me like I just said something horribly offensive. "Um, you can just buy me one. You'll see me when I'm 21." He made clear what I was too scared to hope for - that we'd be friends two years later even though our paths were pulling us in absolutely opposite directions on the planet. We'd be friends despite the distance.

In May 2010, a day before he moved to Florida and a week after my semester in Chicago ended, we sat on the rooftop of one of our favorite Chattanooga locals and shared a beer. It was a beautiful affirmation of our promise to remain friends no matter where life took us.

I thank God for my friends though I still don't like the distance that separates us and the time in between our visits. Here's to phone calls, skype conversations, snail mail, and warm fuzzies shared with friends that are friends no matter the distance. I thank God for each of you.


EDIT: I shared this post with Rob and he replied with this. "on the roof of that restaurant, an overwhelming peace of mind came over me. call it crossing things off of a list. call it para-kletos. call it love incarnate. call it friendship. whatever it was, i was able to turn and walk away knowing that distance no longer mattered.

i will never enjoy a beer quite as much as i enjoyed that one. love you, al." He put it into words in a way I couldn't - distance no longer matters.

Taste and See

----> http://tasteandseelstc.blogspot.com/

This is LSTC's blog - stories from seven different students across campus (and the country) post once a week. I'm Saturdays if you want to check mine out!

Lessons in Empathy

I caught the Norwalk virus Friday. Well, I'm not sure when I caught it, but my stomach started getting REALLY cranky Friday. Thankfully, it is a 24 hour virus so I was starting to feel better on Saturday. I don't think I could have taken any more gut wrenching than I did. I'm still trying to be gentle to my body and eat smaller meals of easily digestible food.

What I've discovered? This is a lesson in empathy. As I lay in bed resting still today and letting my stomach digest a larger lunch, I think about all the people who spend their lives in bed. Not by choice or laziness but by virtue of their bodies giving out, being sick, or some other reason. And perhaps even for those who choose it, I feel their pain.

It is hard to lie in bed and wait for your body to feel better. I cannot imagine thinking that it would only get worse from here on out. Where does one's hope go? Additionally, there is only so much one can do from a bed. You can watch movies and read books or other literature but your activities are severely limited. But hope flutters in other ways, too. It gets old looking at the same view but you learn to pay attention to your visitors, the noises around you, and the changing of the light. You become very aware of where you are and very aware of your body. You cannot not notice.

So for all those stuck in bed today, I wish you visitors, change, relief, and joy in the movement of the sun.

Patterns and Cycles and Tree Houses

I was discussing self fulfilling prophecies earlier today and my brain is still crunching away on them. How much does a defeatist attitude lead to the failure of the task before us? If someone began a project to build a tree house by saying, "Well this is never going to work. It's going to be ugly and no one will want to play in it," to what extent will this promise an atrocious piece of crap in a tree?

I think we do this about a lot of things. No, this guy will never like me and it won't work out. Then, when it doesn't work out, who is surprised? Perhaps it is a self defense mechanism. We throw out these statements at the beginning so that in the end we can look back and say, "Well, it was never going to work anyway. I said so from the very beginning."

What are we so afraid of? Are we more terrified that we might actually build a stunningly beautiful tree house? Create a life long relationship? Be successful?

... I am. C'mon! That's terrifying! Failure is so much easier to swallow because it plays into all the myths the world tells us about ourselves - that we aren't good enough, lovable, or able to build tree houses. I'm not sure why I listen to those voices so much but they only seem more valid when I do fail at something in life. It almost seems to prove all those negative voices right. So we say, "The tree house is ugly as sin; they're right, I'm a horrible builder."

How do we break the cycle? Bust out of the pattern? Tell the negative voices to shut up and just be confident about whatever and wherever life has brought us? I am still shocked to see how many of us, me included, are trapped by fear. The text this last week was about faith the size of a mustard seed. The topic of the sermon I heard was, "You have faith enough to do the work." And I thought, really? I'd be right there with the disciples saying, "Increase my faith!" Because, sweet Jesus, I don't feel like I have enough of anything to do all that God is calling me to do. I want to save the world... but I'm exhausted from the small tasks of internship!

I digress. Perhaps it all goes back to that "enjoy the journey, not the destination" saying. If you want to build a tree house, forget about how it will turn out and who will enjoy it. Put your heart into it. Have fun. Paint it blue. Laugh at yourself when you hammer a board on sideways. In the end, it will be the tree house that you had a wonderful time making. And who wouldn't want to go and be there?

The Care of Mothers

I don't know much about magic but I am figuring out about the spirit and it has a lot of magic to it. Elements I don't understand. Something magical? My mother. The way she can come into a house and turn it into a home. The way she has the ability to smile at me and I feel at peace. Her insight. Her thoughtful observations of the world. Her energy. I love my mother. I am so blessed to be her daughter.

Take a moment to tell your mama how much she means to you. She's magic, I promise.