Would any of you be interesting in reading any of these papers I'm writing for the end of the semester?
-a paper about liturgy in the ELCA and how Luther reformed liturgy (I had an awesome typo in this paper that I'm glad I caught: "Luther retained the elevation of the hose..." instead of "host")
-a reflection on my roommate's faith/church life as a result of the oppression of the Palestinians
-a reflection on Dietrich Bonhoeffer's Letters and Papers from Prison (such a great book - so many good quotes..)
-a reflection on my experience at Cornerstone in TN as compared to the ELCA (we all took communion at the same moment, sitting in our chairs - how awesome to be so unified!)
-a final project for history... about... um... Roger Williams...? or... Bloody Mary? (t.b.a.)
-an exegesis paper on the passage in Ephesians that talks about the submissiveness of wives
-a book report on a book used for the above paper
-a paper/reflection on my philosophy of ministry
-part III of the endorsement essay

...or anything else that I've written/have yet to write and neglected to put on the list?

(Say a prayer if you think on it. I'm behind. I need to focus! L, where is that drink mix you got that promised "focus" on the front? I need to start drinking more of that!)

A Bitter Rant on "Light" Products

It's never a good thing to look at the label of the item you are currently eating. I just went to the grocery store with Sally and saw her getting some yogurt so I thought I'd try some too. Have you ever had Yoplait's Thick and Creamy yogurt? Well I have loved it for a long time. Specifically the vanilla one. Well they make this "light" version so I thought I'd give the "Mixed Berry" flavor a try. First bite was okay. Has that artificial sweetener aftertaste that I hate, though. So I start reading the label... these interested me:

1st ingredient: nonfat milk (always good)

2nd ingredient: high fructose corn syrup (wtf?!?! is the "light" part of this the fact that you are adding artificial sweeteners to the hfcs or the nonfat milk???)

10th: colored with beet juice concentrate (I almost spit out the yogurt I was eating. I swear to you I can taste a hint of beet. That's just wrong.)

13th: sucralose/Splenda (THIS is the stuff that has the aftertaste I loathe - bring on the aspartame and real sugar baby!)

14th: natural flavor (well, I'm glad it is here but it is 14th on the list... and I doubt there is much real flavor in it)

Yeah... I just threw it in the trash. Here's the problem - I'd rather be eating healthy than loosing weight. Eating good foods is good for your heart. And I know that everything seems to cause cancer these days but I really really think Splenda is going to be the next big cancer causing meltdown. The world will soon die - asphyxiated on Splenda.

(...specifically "Light" Mixed Berry yogurt with the bonus of hfcs.)

[on a side note, I read this blog (http://fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com) and laugh out loud so you should too - read it, I mean. It is up to you if you want to laugh out loud or not. :D This seahorse entry is pretty fantastic.]

Feeling love in the virtual world

I don't know if any of you can appreciate this... but something just warmed my heart. Basically, I play this game called The West to avoid my school work. I play it with my cousin. My brother used to play. I have an attachment to it. It is also kind of fun because I get to flex some leadership muscles and see what it feels like to kick someone out of my town or to ask for more money to build more buildings, etc. I joke that I'm going to try to get my school to have a leadership class where you go online and play this game.

Anywho, the context is... that in this game there are duelers, workers, soldiers, and adventurers. Generally if you are a dueler, you shouldn't attack workers. But... we've been having some issues and I've been attacked. So we were discussing it in our town forum and they suggested that the workers put a little something in their profile about the town retaliating if we were attacked. So I wrote on mine something along these lines: "If you attack me, my town will kick your ass." Now... some of the townies thought that was a little harsh. They thought it would actually provoke someone to duel me instead of leave me alone. I agreed and changed it to something milder. Just today I check the forum and get this note from one of my townies:

If I read a profile from the Founder of a huge influential town like ours that said "my town will kick your ass" I would believe it. Just because she does have some muscle and we would all probably drop everything and kick someones ass if she asked us to.

I feel so loved...

...and now back to RL.

I meant to post this on Good Friday

...so pretend I did. Reflect. Enjoy. (Haven't I posted this before?)



There is an ongoing debate as to what the last lines say:
*tounge tied in a hate factory
*tounge tied TO a hating factory
*we turn out hate in factories
*talk dirt at hating factories
*Your tortured (and hanging) factory


But I learned, "We all got wood and nails turned out in a hate factory." In other words, some hate factory is churning out wood and nails. I like the imagery. I'm not sure what to do with being tounge tied in a hate factory...

Opposites Attract

The weather has turned sunny though it is still windy and cold here in Chicago. I know it was beautiful here this weekend... even though I wasn't here. I was enjoying the absolutely gorgeous weather in Tennessee and trying to tell my heart that it wasn't supposed to fall back in love with TN when I still had three more years before I could even hope for the possibility of moving back - if that is indeed where God is calling me.

For a while I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to the south. I didn't know I could go back to the buckle of the bible belt after spending four blissful years in an intellectual and spiritual haven that is this community for me. (Yes, it has been work so far and I expect more but I couldn't be happier to be here when I do that difficult work.)

That's when I really understood, however, that part of what God is forming me for is the synthesis of opposites (or things that appear to be opposites...). This is my ministry. This includes most apparently my desire for conversation between science and religion. I would love to sit on some hospital ethics board and remind the religious nuts that stem cells could heal all kinds of horrible diseases that people pray to be free from. I am fascinated by biomedical ethics. Simply fascinated.

Another huge opposite in my life is going to be this conversation between the north and south. Sure we went to war over it and brothers fought brothers and people died.... but I'm up for a challenge. I already have heaps of experience, right? Raised in the south by parents that were from the north... going to school in the north... after going to school in the south... and having family from the north... and still in the south... friends from all over...

I have been amazed hearing the difference of opinions in people about the presidential campaign and outcome, homosexuals in the church, and gun laws. Bringing what I've learned from the south to the north and then back again is so peculiar and profound. It is as if, sometimes, they are two different worlds and people are shocked I could believe what the other world preaches. Am I being corrupted, they ask? No, I'm being formed.

So I will be curious to see where I will be called to serve in 3 years in this great nation of ours. I only hope it isn't the west. I don't think I can take on the North, South, and WEST in one lifetime. Here's hoping God has plans that look like mine!!!

Christmas Music - Easter Message

So I'm a big fan of Target's piano CD's. You know the cheesy display that plays music at you near the cards? Yeah... those CD's are AWESOME. I bought one of hymn collections and we wore it out in my classroom at daycare. So I bought one at Christmas this last year. I decided to listen to it today while I was reading (it is incredible to study to as it has no lyrics and is calming).

The song, O Holy Night, came on and I was singing in my head:

Long lay the world
In sin and error pining
'Till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope
The weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks
A new and glorious morn.

I said over and over yesterday how tired I was. I feel it today as well. So to hear those lines... tell me if that doesn't strike you as profound? How beautiful is it that we celebrate the fact that our savior LIVES twice? Our most important days in the church are celebrating life. They are celebrating the fact that a man lived. Jesus lived. He was alive. And yes, the weary world rejoices.

I rejoice.

Use - Abuse - Addiction

So this week in Pastoral Care.... we learned about addiction. I started freaking out fearing that I was addicted to the internet. It is preferable to cleaning my room, completing an assignment, or various other necessities. I'll do them - I'd just rather have fun with this nothingness that is the internet.

So I took an online test to see if I was addicted to the internet and for the majority of things I was scoring low. Of course I go eat and attend class. But, of course I stay online a few minutes past when I said I'd get off... My final result? "You are an average on-line user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage." So that's lovely. Unless I lied. Ha!

Part of the problem is that the internet provides a way to communicate with lots of people at once. That's why I blog. That's why I twitter. That's why I facebook. I simply don't have time to have lots of the fabulous conversations I desire to have with all the people I don't see on a regular basis. So if you feel that I've been out of touch lately, I really do apologize. I'm trying!! I have up cards on my wall from you all and pictures of your smiling faces to greet me. I read your facebook updates and read your blogs or emails or comments. I do tend to live in my own little world... but know that you are part of it as much as I am able!!

The hardest part about moving is establishing a new community. I have to take time to make the connections here that will give me the support, conversation, smiles, and love I need to survive seminary. I think that means that all the relationships at home suffer, though. That's the all time WORST part about this experience. I am in a constant state of missing people.

So of course it was especially lovely to get to go to TN last weekend and then to see family this Easter weekend (and to go to Em's wedding this weekend!) - but the visits are always too short and I always end up back here in my chair with papers to write and books to read. The assignments just pile up and begin to overwhelm me. It's easier to be online. I know exactly what I'm avoiding!

Days like today - getting back to real life - are some of the worst. Will there ever be a time when I won't be wishing I was somewhere else? Will ministry feel like this, too?

Saturday is in between Friday and Sunday

Not to be too symbolic or anything... but I'm sitting in the dark in my room at my cousin's house and thinking about the sun rise.

It has felt longer this year. Those 40 days felt so much longer to me than they ever have before. I didn't even make it all the way with my Lenten commitments! Of course... it doesn't help that my birthday was last Friday and I got cookies. What am I supposed to do with that?! So I failed that one.

My other Lenten commitment was to pray to JESUS. In general, I have always prayed to God, the Father (without being hung up on whether this was a male or female thing). I thought it might be interesting for a change to pray to Jesus instead of just in Jesus' name. So I tried it a few times. It felt funny. I almost thought, "Shouldn't I just go talk to God?" I stuck with it as best I could.

Mostly, I think it was difficult for me because Jesus was a human. He lived and walked and talked and breathed the air we breathe and was fully a human. Of course the fabulous mystery of faith is that Jesus was also Christ, the Messiah, our Lord and Savior - fully divine. That makes a complicated person to pray to - but as I have been finding out... also one of the best. It isn't that the Father cannot understand what the Son went through here on Earth, but don't you feel better talking to someone who is "on your level" at work for instance instead of your boss? Another student instead of professor? Someone who is, in a sense, in your situation?

I think that is similar to what I experienced praying to Jesus. I just found myself saying over and over, "...but you know what that feels like." No, Jesus cannot know what being a single gal in the city feels like for me today, but even Jesus wept and cried out to God asking "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" To be sure, Jesus knew what loneliness was. His mother didn't quite get him. His disciples rarely understood the lessons he taught. And even when Jesus went to pray, they fell asleep waiting for him. He didn't get along with the pharisees and women were always at his feet... No wonder he felt all alone.

Is it any wonder that it was somewhat of a release for me to pray to Jesus? Someone who knew the temptations of life even if he wasn't an internet addict like I am. Someone who knew the difficulty of being in ministry even if didn't look like it does today in every way. Someone who had difficulty with authority. Still, he was also someone who knew how important family was. Knew how important the people living on the margins were and what true love and service looked like.

Anyway, as I wait in the dark for Easter morning, I pray that you will all find light enough to guide you ever onward. God bless you and keep you.

~A

God created ants because... ?

p.s. I was attacked by ants on Sunday when I stepped on a small mound of dirt, far too large to be an ant hill. It seems it was an ant HOTEL and they were PISSED. It took me about a minute before I wondered why my legs were itching and stinging. Then I looked down to find my feet, shoes, and my pant legs covered in little brown ants. My body just shivered thinking about it actually.

I've got the bites now two days later all nice and bubbled over. I count at least 6 little red mounds. I know those little guys got me more than that... I guess there were only 6 that got their creepy venom in me??

That'll teach me to not step in dirt anymore. I heart the city...

http://www.ehow.com/how_2365060_treat-ant-bites.html

Sometimes you just have to go home

I'm back home... in Chi town. I seems that when I travel, I travel from home to home. In a way it is nice to always be heading home. Then again, it is always difficult to leave home once again (even if it is for another home somewhere else).

I've decided for myself that my ideal heaven will be anyplace where I am no longer missing people. Maybe I'll be so utterly satisfied being in the presence of God, that I won't be missing people all the time and the relief will be palpable. It will be, shall we say, heavenly?

But this is earth. And until the kingdom comes, I will deal with always missing someone. I did get to see a lot of someones on my trip to TN though. If I'm cool, I'll post pictures. My battery is charging up now so I haven't even seen the pictures yet! I'm afraid I'll get too sentimental and mopey if I look at them now, though. So I'm waiting.... for the battery to charge. :)

Sorry I've been gone!!! I didn't take my laptop with me intentionally and was rarely online. It does mean that I got to spend a lot of good quality time with the people that love and support me from afar.

... speaking of love, did I mention that my W's threw me a surprise party for my 24th birthday? It was FABULOUS!! I walked in the door expecting a small family dinner and got a roomful of friends (and of course a table filled with delicious food). THEN I got another surprise - a bowling party!! This was complete with an embarrassingly pink, sparkly, and star studded "Birthday Girl" tiara, a feather boa and star sun glasses. Blu put it best when she asked if I felt properly grown up and properly like a kid. I did, I did!

The best part? Being surrounded by all those people that feel like home reminded me of how incredibly loved I am. There was no pretense to be someone other than who I am, right now, at this moment. They love me for who I am, not the qualities I posses or don't! They didn't mind that I wasn't the same Alison I was when I left or that I am still so much the same Alison.

What was odd, though? They were friends from various parts of my life... all coming together to celebrate me. I started thinking at one point that I would act differently in front of my family, my college friends, my coffee shops friends, and my W family. They've all known me at different times and in different ways/places/etc. - I just manifest different parts of myself to different people. So to know that being genuinely myself was the goal, the point, the purpose of the celebration...

...was incredibly freeing. I let go and just had a blast.

This feeling stuck around for most of the trip as I got to gather with various groups of friends and family

Thanks to all of my fabulous friends and family who surprised me Friday night, who loved on me this weekend, and who continue to let me call you home. You mean the world to me and are endlessly on my heart. Thanks for sharing me, too.