Trees and Things

"Christmas Eve will find me where the love light gleams."


Most years I grow weary of close minded people griping about X-Mas, Happy Holidays, and so on. This year, however, there's been a strong response about Christ being in the midst of these.

My favorite, has been about Christmas trees. My atheist or agnostic friends are quick to point out to me that Christmas trees are not Christian. I enjoy the moment when they are shocked at my agreeing with them. Christmas trees were not present at the birth of Christ (nor were whales, octopi, or lobsters, but I love that scene in Love, Actually). And I'm okay with it. And I'd cry if there were no tree up in my mom's house this Christmas.

Why the tie? What's the point of putting up a tree, more capable it would seem of celebrating winter solstice than Christ?

For me, it has to do with that line in "I'll be home for Christmas" and a God who promises to shine in our darkness. Last year, all alone in Montana, I had a tiny little tree with one strand of lights. It didn't feel like home. The one time I felt like I was home was sitting in the church at night, with only the grand Christmas tree lit up. That glow, that "love-light" is Emmanuel, God with us. That glow is home. That glow is love.

Besides, Christ hung on a tree for us. That speaks some profound love that no darkness can conquer.

(Photo by Eric Renshaw. Taken at Opryland Hotel, where I go every year to see this tree and all the decor.)

Theology Paper

Cranky

I would love to tell you that being in ministry means that no one is jerk, no one takes advantage of others, and everything is hymn singing and harmonies. But I'd be lying.

It's the end of the semester. A long but fast semester as it turns out. I'm still two papers away from the end of this semester (graduation in May...) and I've got little energy to put towards those papers, much less anything else.

But then something comes up and I find myself absolutely hating someone. I'm being vague intentionally and I'm sorry that I have to be. But it doesn't really matter as the issue is not the person,  but the hate.

I'm not one to hate. I just don't. I find that I go back to anyone I have issues with and we resolve them, even if we can never return to the level of trust and intimacy we had previously. I don't like burning bridges, etc. I'm friends (in some sense of the word) with all of my exes and two good friends who really hurt me.

What do you do when the issues can't be resolved? When you've made the effort again and again (and again) to figure out how to be in relationship with a person and you keep getting walked on? I'm at a loss.

And yet, as a soon-to-be-pastor, I feel as if I should be moving towards forgiving. I should let grace abound and get over it. I should move on. What's that whole thing about forgiveness being for the person forgiving, not the one being forgiving? Don't hold on to hate. Etc., etc..

Perhaps it is too soon. Perhaps I'm just up to my ears in emotion and need to give myself a few years to cool off....