Things I Love 2

Since I started it, I'll keep going. ;)

Another thing I love is the Yes to line of skin and hair products based in San Fran, CA. There's Carrots, Cucumber and Tomatoes, all conveniently (and awesomely) carried at Target. Their all natural goodness without the chemicals found in most other products. Their website describes the difference this way:


Yes To Carrots products are formulated for normal-to-dry skin and hair types. Yes To Cucumbers are formulated for sensitive skin types and color-treated hair. And Yes To Tomatoes products are formulated for oily/combination skin types and fine/thin hair.

Which might explain part of my new favorite product for sensitive skin:

This is the Yes to Cucumber facial towelettes. I've tried for years to wash my face night and day with my special facial clenser but honestly, I never have. I hate waiting for the water to get warm enough to wet the wash cloth which then drips down my arms as I'm washing my face. And then I have more laundry to do.

So my fantastic mother suggested I get some disposable wipes. I tried Boots brand first and they were fine but these I am loving. My face feels clean and fresh and the smell is FANTASTIC (no really, I want to bottle this stuff and wash my clothes in it, too!). It is super easy and I don't feel guilty throwing away the clothes because they are, ta-da, biodegradable. (I dislike paper towel, toilet paper, and tissue waste.)  Besides, face wash comes in a plastic container that is waste, too. And washing clothes uses up water. Maybe that makes me a bit of hypocrite but I can't win 'em all!

Their website describes them like this: Whether you're out and about, or hanging at home, we want to make sure you don't get the runaround when it comes to keeping your gorgeous face clean. Yes To Cucumbers Natural Glow Facial Towelettes gently remove dirt, sweat and makeup without the need to rinse! It's an exfoliant, detoxifyer and rejuvenater all wrapped up in one on-the-go biodegradable wipe, keeping you free and fresh-faced. 
• 98.7% Natural
• Biodegradable & FSC Certified
• Dermatologically & Opthalmologically Tested
• Oil-free, non-comedoenic, hypoallergenic

And one of my favorite parts about them is the little quip on the side of the wipes themselves:
At the office? The gym? Or some place really exotic, like your bathroom? Now you can quickly clean and nourish your face in one step, without water! Organic cucumber nurtures, green tea protects, aloe vera soothes, and Dead Sea minerals lock in the goodness. Yes! Cruelty free. Against animal testing.

Why yes, Cucumbers, my bathroom is quite exotic!

Things I Love

My life has lots of junk and stuff and things. But there are some things I LOVE. Thought I'd share one of my recent favorites:

CD/DVD File Box from The Container Store!!

I have LOTS of discs in my life. Homemade mixes of music. Lots of music. Over 200 DVD's. And when I move once a year, I cannot take stacks and stacks of cases with me each time (but I want my music and movies)! These hold 100 discs. The two I own currently are housing my DVD collection. There is an index page in each box and it is the easiest way to glance through my movies without having shelves and shelves of cases. They're smooth leather, slide easy, and are attractive (unlike CD wallets that I find less attractive and cumbersome).

If you are in the mood for a little reorganizing and decluttering, I highly recommend these. 

BTW, I realize you more high tech types have hard drives half the size loaded with your movies. But I got most of my collection before that was an option and I like being able to take a few over to a friend's house!

The Darkness

"Darkness is a harsh term don't you think? And yet it dominates the things I see." -Mumford and Sons

I was talking about the place I feel most called to yesterday with two groups of people - a CNA class that I taught a pastoral care portion of and my mother. And though I'm not feeling particularly pulled or called to minister to the elderly, I do love them. I love their wisdom, their stories, their calm. I love their quirks which they don't even see they themselves have. Like the elderly gentleman who went on and on about he loved chocolate cake when we were eating gingerbread cake. They're amazing.

And I have no doubt I'll continue working with elderly but it is not where my passions are. I'm in a position to reform the church. For my generation, church has become the place for fake, plastic, weak minded people to go and worship a distant, made up God. This is enforced by the many Christians who go to church on Sunday morning after bad mouthing others and lording their faith over non-Christians all week long. There is a disconnect. Like Gandhi said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." Yes, Gandhi, it's true. And I'm so sorry.

In college, there seemed to be the understanding that to be a Christian, you were automatically republican. To be a democrat Christian was an oxymoron. And now, I'm actually feeling the opposite. If Christians aren't out to take care of the poor and the oppressed, what the hell are we doing? We can't live in our mansions and say God blessed us with this wealth so I could hoard it into a huge house and not use it to take care of others in need. Jesus disliked.... even I dare to say.... hated wealth and riches!

Now I speak partially as a hypocrite. I've been blessed with financial means and the ability to go to school without having to work full time at the same time. I grew up in a nice home and ate well and had plenty of activities that cost money. I'm privileged. And in truth, if you are an American, you are privileged. We have an in proportionate amount of the world's wealth. Go to Mexico and see what Free Trade has done to Mexican people. Go visit the south side of Chicago and see what white privilege has caused. Notice the person in your class or at work who has holes in their clothes. Talk to people about when they grew up and ate only macaroni and cheese for dinner for a year.

The point is, life sucks. The world is a dark place. And for those of us who sit at the top of the pile, we pretend or convince ourselves that we don't really need a God to rescue us from the muck and mire of the world. Life is pretty good, we say. (Aside from the midlife crisis and quarter life crisis epidemic and the alarming divorce rate and the amount of debt the average American has... but damn, we all look happy, don't we?!)

And for me, Jesus responds to that kind of world. To the world we are in now that is shockingly similar to the world 2,000 years ago. To a world where we damn well need each other but we better not say so because we are supposed to be independent, self sustaining individuals. We pride ourselves on not needing anyone. In truth, we need each other. Not just in how we function and contribute to the world (i.e. some are plumbers, bakers, teachers, accountants, pastors, doctors, etc.) but at our most basic level.

We need human interaction. We need to feel like we are part of something bigger than ourselves. Most of us only feel fulfilled our job contributes to the "good of society," when we are doing something to help out someone else. We ache to be in solid relationships with our partners and spouses and to create families.

For me, this is church. A place where we come and talk about how shitty life is and how much we need each other. A place where we recognize we are a part of something bigger than ourselves and that we have a God who is with us in the muck and mire of this world. For me, it is the promise that there is a light in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it.

And for me, the grittiness of the world doesn't detract from God. I don't understand the light without the darkness. It is what makes God most clear for me. Most real. Most necessary. It is that God I cling to.

Considering the Lilies... is hard when they're buried under the snow

Matthew 6:24-34

We spend a lot of time worrying. We spend a lot of time being anxious. Thinking over the past and wondering how it could have gone better. Thinking about the future and wondering how we can make it better. Worrying about WHEN spring will show up, if not whether it will or not.

We worry about our bodies as they age. We worry about our family and their well being. We worry. We worry. We worry.

I don't particularly enjoy the over used, now cliched, biblical command to not worry about anything and pray about everything. I don't like that my worrying causes Jesus to say that I am of little faith. And I don't like that Jesus tells us to consider the lilies when it's 13 degrees out and snowing!

At least, it seems difficult to reflect on spring time and flowers and grass when we are tromping around in boots, hats, gloves, and warm coats. The problem is that we are anxiously looking forward to springtime. We would love to SEE those flowers blooming and consider how we are taken care of like them.

But perhaps this is the best time to consider the lilies. To reflect on our worry. To wonder what faith has to do with any of it. To consider all the life frozen under a layer of snow and ice. Seeds waiting to spring forth when the sun shines again. Life waiting to break through frozen soil and greet the sun.

Buried in the promise that God knows our every need is the promise that spring will come again. Not just for the cold ground and the life beneath it, but for us. And just as we are buried under all the things that weigh us down, God will bring new life to us as well. Springtime. Sunshine.

Our light in the darkness is the promise of springtime, of resurrection, and of new life. Consider the lilies, how they are dead and frozen beneath the soil and snow. If God will bring them new life and cause their faces to shine again, how much more will God lift you up out of where you are stuck or weighed down?

Happy Endings

My mother linked me to this article about the nature of endings from Psychology Today. Let's just say that I have a difficult time with endings. From that list in the middle of the article about WHY we have difficult with endings, I mentally checked:

*You can't tell if an ending is actually necessary, or if "it" or "he" is fixable
*Being afraid of the loss and the sadness
*Fearing the unknown
*You fear hurting the person

What's ironic is when he asks, "Consider how you look at endings in general. Do you perceive them as natural? Do you have a world view that everything has its season and life cycle, or do you think that if something comes to an end it means that "something must be wrong?"

I definitely see life as cyclical and seasonal, etc. I work a lot with death and dying issues on my internship. End of life is not this tragic, sad event but a celebration of life. Yes, there are tears, but they come in many forms. I am thankful and grateful for the lives that have been lived.

So why are other endings so difficult? I think death and dying might have something to teach me about relationships that end that I need to let go of. About projects and dreams and things that I would be healthier and happier to let go of. (On a side note, my mind just went to a political cartoon I saw with a chainsaw GOP and a potato peeler Obama...)

Step one: not seeing those things ending as failure.

And there's this whole HOPE issue. I've been journaling for a while about what I refer to as "damn hope." It is that debilitating and unhelpful hope that leaves you clinging to something you'd do better to let go of (re: in the article he wrote, "If you are holding on to hope, what is the basis for that? Is it rational and objective? Or is it just a defense against facing the issue?").

I think we've been sold on the phrase, "Happy Endings" and can't seem to face an ending that is GOOD but  not necessarily happy.

Hmm... hope and happy can be bad?! (I'm so Lutheran.)

Calm

In CPE last summer, our supervisor told us not to rush to answer our pages. This wasn't meant to imply laziness. This was so that would not RUN all the way to the ER and say, out of breath and anxious, "I'm the chaplain" with any kind of calming presence. By the end of our unit, we referred to ourselves as "less anxious presences" but you get the point.

There's something about crisis that makes our adrenaline pump and our energy jump and our nerves stand on edge. Tragically, it is generally the very last thing I need in a crisis. I don't generally find myself needing adrenaline to run away from bears (though I am within an hour of the place were several people WERE attacked by bears last year...).

At the end of yoga, as part of our sending, our instructor tells us to affirm for ourselves: "I remain calmly active; actively calm." This has become a mantra of late as my life has seemed to trudge through crisis after crisis. From cleaning up after the dogs I was house sitting for, to finding out my internship is actually a month longer than I thought it was, to juggling the delicate balance of work relationships and personal relationships. And the biggest: what kind of work brings me joy?!

I've handled about half in a way I'm proud of. The others I'm still apologizing for. But I'm working on it. ;)

PostSecret

I'm bored!!!

There was a devotion last Friday about a kid saying he was bored two weeks into summer vacation. I was talking with the elders this morning about their childhoods and what memories they had from growing up. And it turned into a commentary about this generation of kids. About their toys. And their toys. And their other toys. And how they're still bored.

"When I was young, we didn't have all those toys. We went outside and made mud puddles!!!"

Well said, Lois. 

God, I love older people.

Perfection

There's lots of discussion this week about perfection because Sunday's gospel ends with "Be perfect." The truth, upon closer inspection, is that Jesus is promising to make us complete, not commanding us to be flawless. (What a relief!)

Whatever the case, it's led me to think about our expectations of ourselves and of one another. Why do we expect one another to be flawless when we know how impossible our own perfection is? It seems silly. Very silly.

On those lines, this link popped up on Facebook several places. It's a note to pastors.
Tell us the Truth by Rachel Held Evans
http://rachelheldevans.com/pastors-tell-truth

The comment section is an incredible read. Discouraging and encouraging depending on the item.

And based on that blog, Sunday's gospel, and my hellish week, I came up with this post for Taste and See.
Superpowers
http://tasteandseelstc.blogspot.com/2011/02/superpowers.html

Let me know what you think.
Blessings,
The Intern

Big Sky Country

"I took a faithful leap and packed up all my things and all my love." -Ingrid Michaelson

I'm half way through internship. Half way!!! Incredible to constantly remind myself that I am in Montana right now. And I'm very sure this is exactly where I needed to spend my internship year. This is where I had to come. I have already grown and stretched so much since my arrival in August. I have learned about myself, especially in the context of ministry.

BUT I'm trying to be gracious with myself and realize that it doesn't mean I have to ENJOY every minute. As I'm trying to be mindful and take each moment as it comes instead of dwelling in the past or future, I recognize the challenge of being me right now.

It was lovely to go home to TN for a week long vacation but it has been incredibly hard to come back. As my counselor said today about my Montana blues, "These are not your roots. These are not your people. Of course you are lonely." And then my mother seconded and noted I am a single woman learning a profession dominated by (married) males. I'm far away from family and friends that know me. I'm doing an internship which is this awkward push and pull of having skills enough to give it a go but not having enough (polished) skills to make it easy or without frequent mistakes. I'm in the odd in between of not knowing enough and having to do it anyway. Three cheers for God's grace! 

So I'll say I'm grateful to be here in Big Sky Country, learning ministry from two fantastic, gracious, and capable supervisors and several very loving communities of people. I'm grateful for my quirky intern house. I'm grateful for the room to make mistakes (re: Dixie Chicks' song). I'm looking forward to telling people for the rest of my life that I spent a year in Montana. There couldn't have been a better place for me to come to. My soul sighed when I came here. :)

I'm also ready to be back in Chicago with my seminary people who understand me. Ready to be around people who get me, see me, know where I'm coming from and get why I'm passionate about what I'm passionate about. I'm ready to do the kind of ministry I was created for (which I'm discovering at this point in my life is not senior care). I'm ready for the next big adventure.

Salty, holy, lighted people who are pissed off

Matthew 5:38-48

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile.
Give to everyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you. "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?
Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.


Jesus seems to like this turn of phrase. "You have heard it said... but I say to you." And really, we've heard a lot of things said. Heard a lot about the way the world is run and how it functions and what ways to succeed. And this goes beyond the bible, too. I just had a conversation with several friends at home about some colleagues who cheated in college or grad school. Either they had someone else write a paper for them or tucked answer keys in obscure places. Their rationale seems to be that this is the only way to get ahead in an overly competitive world. And so my friends and I are sitting around this table having dinner and asking ourselves what we should do in response. Turn them in? Let it slide?


And as Christians, living under the law, we fight this battle daily. We see someone breaking a law, be it civil or biblical, and our alarms go off. Perhaps because we are Americans, we feel it is our civic duty to report crimes and misdemeanors. To report wrongdoing for the sake of public order. But I believe it is a human thing, too. How many times has someone living with you reminded you that you forgot to take out the trash, that you left water running or lights on or that you somehow disobeyed house rules? How many times have you reminded them that they have broken some house rule?

There's something demeaning about being told you broke a law. A sense of guilt. We crumble in ourselves as we listen to the admonishment. And there's something vindictive in reminding someone that they, too, have broken a law. Have you ever had those arguments? “You did this.” “Oh yeah? Well you did THIS!” It's like we all want to tear each other down because we're feeling down. And if we're down, everyone else should be, too. What’s that funny saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”

Or maybe I'm alone there. But I doubt I'm the only one that's ever made mistakes or pointed out another's mistake. Whatever the case, I know this gospel lesson speaks to me. Because I know it's easy to love those who love me. To love those who don't tear me down. And I know it’s easy to hate, to get annoyed, to roll my eyes, to dismiss a person. And on those days when the entire world is picking at me, messing up my latte, demanding more of my time, and misunderstanding every word I say or doubting everything I do - the last thing I want to do is love. I'd rather call it a day and retreat to my couch. Retreat into a good book with a story full of clearly defined heroes and villains. It's easier to be alone with my contempt for the world. And I justify, the world probably doesn’t want to be around me like that anyway.

Try reading this gospel in THAT kind of mood. Try reading "Be perfect" after reading "Love your enemies" on a day when it feels like the whole world is on your case and you’d dump the whole world into some category of enemy. You feel rotten and then you're told you are even more rotten because you aren't loving those who aren't loving you.

I believe Jesus is calling to us in that very mood. Reminding us that we are salt. We are light. We are Children of God. We are holy. This gentle reminder is enough to restore our caved in souls. This gentle reminder tells us that love is possible within our very broken bodies. We look at ourselves and are able to see what God has made us - salty, holy, lighted Children of God. Filled up with something that we cannot create in ourselves. Filled up with something we cannot earn. Filled up with something that cannot be diminished or taken away or used up by anyone.

So it matters less what the world demands of us. What the laws say. What our response is. How we even go about dealing with other people who sometimes build us up and sometimes tear us down. Before we can do any of that, we must know that we are holy. And no, I don't mean "filled with holes." I mean we are God's children, filled with light and love and the promise that though the world lives one way, we are able to live another. When we are incapable of dealing with the world for another minute, the light in us spills forth and goes beyond the law. Walks the extra mile. Gives away the extra shirt. Gives away the extra food. And loves the person we cannot love.

This is Christ in us. This is our light. Our salt. Our holiness that we did nothing for. Thanks be to God for days when we feel like nothing and God is everything and more.

PostSecrets

Annoyance

I take it as beautiful irony that I preached about the blessing of community on Sunday and am annoyed with everyone in my community today. Okay, not everyone. I just had a lovely lunch with a friend and this morning, the two elders I sat down with to read the funnies were lovely. Everyone else = annoying.

I've been contemplating the great divide between being a solo pastor or part of a team. This is especially interesting today when I'm feeling annoyed with so many people and would prefer to work alone. On the other hand, I so value the team part of ministry. So I'm doing a pros and cons for kicks.

Pros and Cons of Solo Ministry
+Don't have to deal with other people
+Get to make decisions on your own
-Have to make decisions on your own
+Smaller congregation --> family structure
+Struggle to have lay participation
-You are responsible for every Sunday

Pros and Cons of Team Ministry
-Have to deal with other people's opinions
+Get to have pastoral input
+Not up to you to make all decisions
+Typical a larger congregation --> more lay ministry
+More diversity of programs
+Shared responsibility for Sundays = more Sundays off for me


Hm... can't think now.

Love