Use - Abuse - Addiction

So this week in Pastoral Care.... we learned about addiction. I started freaking out fearing that I was addicted to the internet. It is preferable to cleaning my room, completing an assignment, or various other necessities. I'll do them - I'd just rather have fun with this nothingness that is the internet.

So I took an online test to see if I was addicted to the internet and for the majority of things I was scoring low. Of course I go eat and attend class. But, of course I stay online a few minutes past when I said I'd get off... My final result? "You are an average on-line user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage." So that's lovely. Unless I lied. Ha!

Part of the problem is that the internet provides a way to communicate with lots of people at once. That's why I blog. That's why I twitter. That's why I facebook. I simply don't have time to have lots of the fabulous conversations I desire to have with all the people I don't see on a regular basis. So if you feel that I've been out of touch lately, I really do apologize. I'm trying!! I have up cards on my wall from you all and pictures of your smiling faces to greet me. I read your facebook updates and read your blogs or emails or comments. I do tend to live in my own little world... but know that you are part of it as much as I am able!!

The hardest part about moving is establishing a new community. I have to take time to make the connections here that will give me the support, conversation, smiles, and love I need to survive seminary. I think that means that all the relationships at home suffer, though. That's the all time WORST part about this experience. I am in a constant state of missing people.

So of course it was especially lovely to get to go to TN last weekend and then to see family this Easter weekend (and to go to Em's wedding this weekend!) - but the visits are always too short and I always end up back here in my chair with papers to write and books to read. The assignments just pile up and begin to overwhelm me. It's easier to be online. I know exactly what I'm avoiding!

Days like today - getting back to real life - are some of the worst. Will there ever be a time when I won't be wishing I was somewhere else? Will ministry feel like this, too?