Saturday is in between Friday and Sunday

Not to be too symbolic or anything... but I'm sitting in the dark in my room at my cousin's house and thinking about the sun rise.

It has felt longer this year. Those 40 days felt so much longer to me than they ever have before. I didn't even make it all the way with my Lenten commitments! Of course... it doesn't help that my birthday was last Friday and I got cookies. What am I supposed to do with that?! So I failed that one.

My other Lenten commitment was to pray to JESUS. In general, I have always prayed to God, the Father (without being hung up on whether this was a male or female thing). I thought it might be interesting for a change to pray to Jesus instead of just in Jesus' name. So I tried it a few times. It felt funny. I almost thought, "Shouldn't I just go talk to God?" I stuck with it as best I could.

Mostly, I think it was difficult for me because Jesus was a human. He lived and walked and talked and breathed the air we breathe and was fully a human. Of course the fabulous mystery of faith is that Jesus was also Christ, the Messiah, our Lord and Savior - fully divine. That makes a complicated person to pray to - but as I have been finding out... also one of the best. It isn't that the Father cannot understand what the Son went through here on Earth, but don't you feel better talking to someone who is "on your level" at work for instance instead of your boss? Another student instead of professor? Someone who is, in a sense, in your situation?

I think that is similar to what I experienced praying to Jesus. I just found myself saying over and over, "...but you know what that feels like." No, Jesus cannot know what being a single gal in the city feels like for me today, but even Jesus wept and cried out to God asking "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" To be sure, Jesus knew what loneliness was. His mother didn't quite get him. His disciples rarely understood the lessons he taught. And even when Jesus went to pray, they fell asleep waiting for him. He didn't get along with the pharisees and women were always at his feet... No wonder he felt all alone.

Is it any wonder that it was somewhat of a release for me to pray to Jesus? Someone who knew the temptations of life even if he wasn't an internet addict like I am. Someone who knew the difficulty of being in ministry even if didn't look like it does today in every way. Someone who had difficulty with authority. Still, he was also someone who knew how important family was. Knew how important the people living on the margins were and what true love and service looked like.

Anyway, as I wait in the dark for Easter morning, I pray that you will all find light enough to guide you ever onward. God bless you and keep you.

~A