Okay, I've been processing and attempting to step out of the spiral. My other supervisor's question about it is around that whole "DO vs. BE" thing I've been struggling with (on internship and throughout my entire life). His phrasing: "Performance vs. Service."
For more explanation: if my motivation is service, I can fail at performance and think, "Oh well. I tried." Whereas, if performing well was the goal, and I didn't do a task well, I've failed completely.
So, re: the shame spiral (about depression being apparent), we know what the performance side of me is thinking - failure!!! What does the servant side say?
I believe it would say something about connecting with people who are also struggling with depression. Using the things I am struggling with to then engage the world. To present myself and say that I am a work in progress just as they are (whatever their age).
The servant side might say something about grace. God's grace. Other's grace for me (as is abundantly evident by your comments on the former post about this). And something about having a little grace for myself. As Nikki said, I take myself too seriously.
So for now, I'm going to work on being unabashedly, unashamedly, unapologetically ME. Here's goes nothing.
3 comments:
Brene Brown on shame resilience... so good..!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQiFfA7KfF0
I did not say that you take yourself too seriously, but that you take things too personally. I know this about US! We are so eager to do right and do well and we constantly second guess ourselves and it takes over. Take the comment, process it, make appropriate considerations and move on. I know its hard and borderline impossible, but doing so is good for you! You should take yourself seriosuly because you are important, not just that you do well, so do and be you!... wait...you get where I was thing to go...
Always remember that God and many people love you just the way you are!
Also, read this, its long, so feel free to skip to the biker church part. http://extrasyllables.wordpress.com/2011/04/03/be-careful-where-you-potty/
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