Rest and Water

I've spent the last week in Mississippi with seven youth from a church in New England. We were working outside on an historic house in Biloxi weeding, landscaping, planting bushes, cleaning up debris, scraping and painting siding, and fencing in an area for little kids to play in. Every hour or so the pastor or I would call out, "Take a break. Grab some water." We would sit on the front steps in the shade, drink down some water, and get back to work.

So perhaps that is why my brain is set on the connection between water and rest. And because I am who I am, I think about baptism. I've been kind of drifting these past two months, without a true center or home. I spent 25 days in Germany, a few weeks in TN, 4 days in FL for Sibling's wedding, and 10 days on this mission trip. No where is really home. I've been living out of a suitcase for two months and for me, while I enjoy the simple-ness of that, it is exhausting. I like having a center. I've always tried to shift away from making that a place, but we, as humans, are tied to places. I'll never understand a nomad lifestyle. If I roam, I like to come home.

So what about baptism, eh? I realized that at the very center of me is an identity that is unshakable. I am a baptized child of God no matter where I lay my head. No matter where I find home. No matter how restless my soul may feel in this in-between time.

For a time I said that I had "people homes." I reasoned that people I loved were my homes. While this is still somewhat true, I recognize that people do not always refresh me, I cannot always rely on them, and I still get lonely. This is especially true as I recognize that some of my best friends are getting married and need me less (and need to spend time on that special relationship), some are having babies and have less time for many things, and some are scattered across the country seeking their purpose in life. Telephone calls and Skype make things easier but it is never quite the same. And even then, I find myself listening a lot and caring for others instead of taking time to process how crazy life is for me right now.

I don't mean to complain. I have so many friends and family members who care so much about me. I have tons of places to stay with people who love me and often ask how I am. Genuinely. For this, I am so grateful. So lucky.

What I mean to say is that there is an unshakable, unchangeable, constancy in the depths of me. It is there... here in this ID as a child of God where I am finding new energy and peace. If this crazy summer of wandering has taught me nothing else, it has taught me this. I am okay on my own.