Internship Mid Year Evaluation

Please describe your best gifts and passions for ministry.

I have been reflecting most on the gift on sunshine. A while ago my mother called me her Susie Sunshine but then during CPE I experienced my desire to cheer people up in a new way - it was not always welcome, desired, or the right pastoral care move. People experienced me as overly cheerful and thus off putting. I realized part of this desire to cheer up people who were in the hospital came from making rounds with my father, who is a doctor, when I was younger. I was the cute little girl who would cheer up the ailing patients. During CPE my greatest lesson was to simply sit and visit without the need to cheer people up. In the end, listening is one of the greatest gifts I can offer. Hearing someone's story or holding someone's pain. While this was a wonderful lesson, I ended up denying or rejecting my sunshine gift.

On internship, I have been able to reassess my sunshine status and see it is a more positive way. I have come to realize that I truly have a gift of sunshine - of brightening up someone's day by sharing a hug or smile, listening to someone's story, or bringing communion or scripture. The difference now is my motivation. Before I believe I wanted to cheer people up so I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable with their illness and the darkness of the world and within me. Now I seek to offer people the hope and peace of Christ wherever they are at. I smile in worship because I enjoy worshipping. I hug people because I genuinely care. I sit and listen to stories because I know they have value and deserve to be truly heard. And people reflect back to me that they enjoy my presence, my joy, my energy.

When reflecting on this with my spiritual director, she reminded me that sunshine has no need to speak. It simply shines. So in ministry, it is not about the correct words or phrases. I don't have to say the right thing. I don't even have to say anything. For me it is the difference between DO and BE. For someone who struggles with perfectionism, I cannot be more grateful for a gift that allows me to simply be present with someone without having to DO anything. I see this sacred sunshine as God's presence with us. The holy. The divine. For where two or more are gathered...

Additionally, "light in the darkness"  has become a huge part of my faith. I learned that in accepting the darkness of the world, within us, and within each person, I was better able to understand what the light was. I can more assuredly point to Christ and declare that God is with us in the darkness. God is with me in my depression. God is with all people in their struggles. God is with this all the grieving world. This is why we come to church - to praise the light in the darkness and share stories of how God has been there for us. In this way, we become light for one another.

So in thinking about ministry and my place in God's kingdom, I will sing with all the children of God, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let is shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine."