Assertions and Red Wine

Of course, we all have to do lists a mile long. On the other hand, I don't feel all too well so my motivation to work is even lower than it usually is. The need to curl up in a ball and read a good book was so overwhelming Sunday night that I picked one up off my shelf and started reading. Just a few pages, mind you, and I'd go back to real work... I'd write that paper and read for class.

Well I was up til 1am last night finishing it. Then I picked up the book I was supposed to be reading and read until 2am. Then I decided I really should try to sleep a little so I went to sleep. Woke up with a pop at 7:15, showered, and went to class. I really do think the Aleve Cold and Sinus I am taking has speed in it. Or maybe it has some kind of caffeine enhancement and added to the cup of tea I had that afternoon to soothe my throat. Curious...

Anyway... the entire point of this post was to share with you all that I'm more keenly aware that this "stage" in my life means really learning HOW to take care of myself. Not just physically (though it isn't too fun taking care of yourself when you are sick and have no energy), but mentally and emotionally, too.

So this book I was reading, the one I devoured in two days, was called Watermelon by Marian Keyes. Basically, she was able to fulfill pretty much every woman's dream to be able to tell off the man who hurt her. I have found this to be very rare in real life though occasionally it does happen (share your stories!!). So I've been inspired to be more assertive and let people know when I am annoyed or hurt by something. Just little things. Not in big dramatic ways like they do in the books/movies.... but in little ways.

This, dear friends, is how I am practicing "self care" this semester - by being more assertive.

It started out with letting my roommate know that I liked when the shower curtain hung straight and covered the whole length of the tub instead of being fussed in the middle (why yes, I am OCD, thank you for asking). I even said how I liked the wash wand to be placed in its holder so it didn't fall down all the time. It was remarkably easy. It was likewise easier to accept the minor things she was asking of me as well (yes, I do tend to leave stray hairs on the shower wall - sorry!!!).

It felt good. :)

Then I heard a friend talking about writing a letter to a former love of his and how liberating that was for him. Her response was more along the lines of "no" but he got it off his chest. So I just think there's something to this standing up for ourselves thing. Of course... now I am more annoyed at everyone else NOT standing up for themselves while at the same time I am still drawing up courage to tell off a former friend of mine (inspired by the book, no doubt). What a funny place to be in.

I do wish I had more will power in the areas of studying and dieting... but if I am honest with myself, it takes enough will power to be single student living in a big city far away from those I love. It takes a lot of will power to begin to recognize those traits in myself that I'd like to change (why yes, sadly I am an intellectual snob and I tend to like attractive and witty people...).

So, I guess what I'm saying is... be gentle with yourself. Love yourself enough to do the things that let you breath easier at night (whether it be doing more or doing LESS). Be assertive in the small things - it will give you strength to do the bigger things later. At least... these are the things I'm telling myself. ;)

If none of that works, go outside, lay down, and try to remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God said "very good" after he made you. And if THAT doesn't work, call some friends and break open a bottle of Merlot and commiserate. It's healthy. I promise.