The Lonely Blog Discussion - Act I

My lack of blogs this past week means 2 things:

1.) That I've been working/studying/writing papers.

2.) That I've been stewing about an important topic.

So when you are full of turkey this week and catching up on your blogs, you can read this and respond. There's a place at the bottom to comment on every blog. It says “2 people discuss red.” Click that. Share your thoughts.

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So most of my readers are married, right? Sorry to those single, too. But you have your say in the discussion, anyway. Regardless, most of you have also dealt with, at some point or other, my singleness. My whining about it. My celebrating it. My frustration. You've encouraged me. You've listened to me. You've let me whine.

Truth be told? I was hoping I'd meet someone when I got to seminary. But I didn't. I met a slew of amazing guys that are either married or single for a reason (*snickers*). It's true, though. And when I turn that back around on the ladies, I see the same thing. We are either with someone or we are single for a reason. So... I'm single for a reason.

The trouble is I can't get over it. I've heard all the stories. The people who have already met their significant others have always met them AFTER they've reached a certain place. This place has been described in many ways. Perhaps you each have your own spin on it. It generally sounds the same, though. You got there because you were frustrated with the games. You were fed up with the idea of being tied down. Finding someone. Starting a family. Whatever. You were ready to give up the game and be single. You reached a place where it was about YOU. You stopped “looking.”

Two weeks ago, I can honestly say that I was almost there. I could feel my heart shifting over. Not like before when I just wanted to be in that place so that I could then magically find someone. We do that, don't we? We we try to make it work because we are lonely. We need companionship. Relationship. Conversation. Touch. Someone to listen to our story.

So I was there - it was amazing. I was so excited to be over the dating scene. Over wanting to get married so desperately. Over it. Truth is I have such a bigger calling than getting married or having a family. I have all this love that I've been anxious to give to someone... and what's worse is that I've been storing most of it up and not giving it all away. How wrong is that?! It is so entirely twisted. I can stop for two seconds of any day and list names upon names of people who need love. God planted me in a community that is desperate for a little more love. A lot more understanding. Hello! The need is great and I have the opportunity to respond to it. To inspire a little more hope in a world that is entirely broken.

So that was the focus. I was going to focus my energy and my love exactly where God wanted me to. I wasn't going to focus on guys, getting married, or being lonely. I would certainly have my hands full with God's purpose for my life -- Loving people is a full time big girl job.

Then I got attacked. Perhaps you don't believe in Satan. Perhaps you don't believe in spiritual warfare. I think some people can definitely take it too far. But I function on the reality that Satan whispers in our ears on a daily basis. Call it temptation. Call it evil human nature. Whatever you want to call it – that's what I'm talking about. And he started whispering...

In Church History we were discussing Martin Luther's getting married to Katharine von Bora. That's fine and dandy, right? Until we started discussing Luther's view on marriage and how it was a new way to experience and serve God. I don't necessarily want to say he understood God better but I that was my sense of it.

Thanks. I really appreciate that, Martin. Just what I needed to hear when I was finally excited about being single and serving God. Then I hear that to really experience God, I should get married. “It makes me think I'll never have a chance to figure out what it's all about.” Michelle Branch sings that line. “But there's no lack of arms around me.” That's Michelle again, in the Wreckers, this time. She speaks to my heartbreak. I don't want to believe that I'm missing something by being single. I've got plenty of people that hug on me. I don't want to believe that by not being with someone, I am missing an experience of God. I can't stand the thought of being incomplete. I am NOT incomplete. Or rather, in a more cheesy sense of it, we are all incomplete without God. But God's the only piece of the puzzle that could ever make us complete. Right?

So what's the answer? I know that marriage is no great cure to loneliness. I know marriage isn't easy. I know it doesn't suddenly make life better. I just can't get over the idea that by not getting married, I won't be able to know another human being at the depth that I could if I were married. There was a line in a movie the other day that spoke to this.
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Joe Black: ...But Allison loves you?
Quince: [Quince nods yes between stifled sobs]
Joe Black: How do you know?
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay. You're free! You're free to love each other completely, totally. Just no fear. So there's nothing you don't know about each other, and it's okay.

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Yes, it's from Meet Job Black. Still, the sentiment caught me. And hearing some of my married friends talk about their spouses doesn't help. You all married some amazing people. It's true. They've set high standards for those that follow.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. Act I at least. Now what are yours?