Calls to seminary are not RED, they are very CLEAR

The day was magical. Mostly in that it started out as a terrifying battle within myself and ended with a very confirming and reassuring voice in my head telling me this was exactly where I needed to be. The conversation in my head this morning generally went like this:

“Go talk to that person over there!!”
“NO!”
“Come on, they look nice!”
“NO! They look scary.”
“No they don't. Go say hello!”
“NO! Yay, they left the area.”
“Okay, how about that guy??!?”
“NO!”

Sometimes I would say yes and go say hi. Some of that introduction stuff was forced on me. Which is good. In a terrifying, please can we get this over with, kind of way.

I tagged along on Niveen's heels for the first part of the day and gradually made my way into new circles. Yay for the blanket acceptance of first day awkwardness. There was definitely a good share of, “Oh hi, I haven't met you yet!” Which made it easy to then start the classic questions of where everyone was from and how they made it here (which includes call stories and chicago stories).

I really, really felt okay after dinner when we broke into smaller groups (thank GOD) and began to share the real stories. Not the little 60 seconds blurbs that are supposed to sum up who we are, but the ones where the fear comes out and the miracle of the call comes across. Incredible to hear how alike we are in certain ways and how different we are in others. But these differences amongst us are also blessings. One person has a “deficiency” in singing... but another person is blessed with that very gift. One person believes he will struggle with his spirituality even though the intellectual side of theological study is tucked securely beneath his belt. This, of course, perfectly balances out the guy that says he has been walking a strongly spiritual journey and is a little afraid that the theology will stump him. Or take my fear of the big city and pair it with a girl who says she's so happy to be BACK in the city and loves every inch of it. It is beautiful to see how each of our weaknesses and fears are met so completely by another person's gift or joy in something.

I am home.

And to top it all? After church tonight, as we were all considering heading toward home, a group decided to gather at the bar for drinks. Yup. A group (and a large one at that – at least 20) of us took to the streets destined for the bar that Paul Tillich spent a good bit of time in. It's a famous place. It's also less than a block from the front door of our seminary. So we order a round (I got a Fat Tire on tap) and go into the next room to fill it with conversation and laughter. Here I was wondering if anyone else in seminary would even drink. Ha. Lutherans are essentially German. Why did I doubt?

Ok, you know me. I was afraid I would be all alone here. Not physically. Not in a city filled to the brim with people. But alone in the scary sense that wants to say no one will ever understand who you are. So of course I was curious if this new place would “get me” or if it would continue to be a place of confusion and turmoil. Blu, you were right. Satan likes to talk smack.

Lesson learned tonight: God won.

Lesson I keep having to relearn (over and over and over...): God always will.