Shame and Such

There's something debilitating happening in our culture today: shame.

There's the idea that if we don't live a certain way, look a certain way, believe a certain way, that we are somehow letting someone down. It's all that keeping up with Joneses stuff. We want to give off the impression that we have it all together. We want people to believe that we're stable, healthy, and happy. And when we see the few exceptions to the rule, instead of praising them, we sigh and confess that if they'd make a little more effort to fit in, they'd be happier.

Truth: I listened to a woman talk about a man she met last week. She was telling me that he just looked disheveled and slightly threatening with longer black hair that was stringy around his face. He was antisocial and awkward. And while he was confessing how hurt he was by people's rejection of him, she was considering telling him to make a little effort to fit in. If he'd only cut his hair and make an effort to engage people in conversation, he'd do better. He'd be happier if he decided to fit in a little more.

And as I was hearing this I seething with anger. Why is the solution that this man needs to cut his hair and be less awkward? It's the shaming culture we live in. There's some inherent sense that we all need to fit into this suggested mold or stereotype in order to function in society. Blissfully, there are more accepted molds than there used to be so it makes it somewhat easier if you want to be a punk or a frat guy or a nerd or a jock. But what about the ones who never fit a mold? I wager this is actually every single one of us.

We love watching Finn on Glee be both a jock and a gleester. We love watching cop shows where the hard hitting detective is a softie with the kids. But somehow it doesn't translate into our own lives. We have a hard time accepting an artist who does not have a "real" job. We get uncomfortable with sexuality and gender, so we force labels as if it is a black or white. In reality, I'm beginning to see it is a beautiful array of gray.

And then think about Jesus. The way our religions file Jesus into a certain category or type even though all four gospels point to a person bent on not fitting into any mold. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and unclean people, the wicked tax collectors and the holier than though pharisees. Jesus ate with these people. Jesus defied the religious and societal laws that were binding the Jewish people so tightly. He tried to set them free from their beliefs about what made a person worthy. And he invited the world into that peace and acceptance.

Want to know why I'm a Christian? Because Jesus didn't fit in a box. He pounded home the messages of love and grace and accepting people where they were at and serving one another joyously. I don't think there's any message our world needs more today than that. Let go of the stereotypes. Let go of the molds. Embrace the in between. Embrace the gray. Embrace your neighbor and the stranger and your "enemy" on all sides.

Otherwise, I fear we will all be lost as we bounce between labels and molds and stereotypes that never define who we really are. We'll condemn others who do not fit just as we try to squeeze ourselves some idea of perfection and societal acceptance. When are we going to realize that not only does that idea not work, it is killing us slowly?