The strangest part was in my struggle to see God in the day. I was praying for something extraordinary. I don't know what exactly that would have entailed though. A surprise visit from someone? An unshakeable feeling that God was with me? Something unexpected.
Instead, the day was quiet on the God front. There were little things that caught my attention - a bloom on the cactus, a ribbon in the shape of a heart, a beam of light from the window to my face, and a single shining star in the sky visible outside my bedroom window as I crawled into bed to weep.
Perhaps the greatest mystery and gift is that God shows up in the quiet moments and not in some over the top fireworks and flare kind of way. This is only troubling on the days when I cannot hear the still small voice and need God to hit me over the head and scream, "I'm here."
But perhaps my survival is evidence that God is with me. I keep surviving.
2 comments:
Not that this sadness is just about being away from your Mom on Christmas, but in case it is.... 37 days until I get to see you!!
"Estoy contigo, mi Alison. Siempre estoy contigo. Y nunca te abandonaré."
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