On Reaching the Half Way Point - Entry #2

Okay mid-unit evaluations.... bring em on! This week marks the half way point. I know I said in my last entry that I was going to vague and just leave you with a quote... but in fact there is really so much to say. I started reading back in some of my old blog entries. By old, I mean when CPE started (what we refer to as 5 years ago here). My fear of the unknown and my anxiety about being on call... wow. It all sounds familiar and I can touch the memory of it within me, but it also seems far away. Distant. I guess that's a good thing. As for that unknown behind every door: every single patient I meet is a child of God. What am I afraid of?

And can I just say as a side note - the sunset right now is beyond gorgeous. I have found that the weather after a good rain storm is so beautiful that I tend to love the rain that brought it. Oh my - even that sounds like it was supposed to carry some deep message. While I'm sure it can be an analogy for life and life's difficulties... I really have found that a good rain storm one day means breathtaking weather the next. That or you just have a week's worth of rain.... I digress.

So CPE is going well. I had to stop and let myself learn. I had to accept that I had no idea how to do this (shocking) and that I was surrounded by people who could teach me (thank you Jesus) if only I would let them and let myself (stubbornness comes naturally to me - I'm a redhead). So I did let myself let them and now I'm learning. I'm learning a lot, too. Some of it I am tucking away for a later time. Most of it I'm being forced to use right away. That's what is so amazing about CPE. It isn't some classroom on some campus in a little bubble of safety and intellect. I learn in a small classroom tucked away in a corner of a hospital - then I go visit with patients. I respond to a crisis and I have to use what I've learned in class (often from the same day if only because it is fresh on my mind).

So as for the quote - - it's true. I knew that there was some work that needed to be done. But then God started throwing out a wing here and putting in a courtyard over there. I'm not gonna lie, it still hurts. I'm just trusting more. It helps it not hurt so much in the long run.