Revelations of Loving Myself

So I'm not sure what it was about last night. Whether it was the conversation of the night... or the wee hours that I found myself still awake in... or three days of sickness that have made me home bound... or moving tomorrow to my very first place all on my own... but I had a revelation.

It might not go so well into words, but I'll at least relay the content as best I can. I finally figured out what loving myself looks like. This very real picture of humility that is about embracing both the celebration of self and the struggle for a better you. You are who you are exactly as you are right at this moment. And guess what? You were you 10 years ago. I gathered up my memories about me; the good and the bad. They were part of me. Those betrayals of friendship in high school and colleger are just as much a part of me as the first guy who ever held my hand and the way my grandmother rubs my hand with her thumb whenever she holds it. They are all things in my life that happened to this body. My body. Me.

It will sound cheesy to say that it just sort of came together. I realized I've got me the rest of my life. I've got so much time to grow and figure things out that it is almost laughable. I'm a bit of an old soul. A serious person. But in truth, I have a lot of quirks. I'm a bit crazy. A little random. A bit messy but ridiculously organized and meticulous in a lot of things. I have beautiful red hair that I usually tie up out of my face and grayish blue eyes like my mama that sparkle when they are next to hers. I've got my parents' passion for people, their intelligence, and some odd form of their combined humors. I have an amazing brother who is ridiculously smart and sarcastic and who for some reason loves me as much as I love him.

Me? I'm a procrastinator. I've got a little extra love on my fabulous frame. I enjoy my sleep. But God made in me a heart that is big enough to do ministry. When I love, I love big. When I hope, I hope big. I fall in love fast and make friends slower but they tend to stick around. I'm not the best about answering my phone or returning phone calls. I do much better with one on one time.

I am all these things. For better or worse, if you come to love me, you will love these things. More importantly, I have finally come to love these things. It's a pretty incredible feeling. I have plenty of time to grow and figure out life. Today is where I'm at today. How are you doing?

(As for the flu, I'm getting better! Sasha brought me jello today. Hooray!)