My address book is RED, but I think I need a new one...

Dearest friends, It's coming on Christmas. They're cutting down trees. They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace. Oh I wish I had a river....

There is such a melancholy mood about this time. I think I may have figured out the root of it however: Christmas Cards.

Yes, that's right. Christmas cards. There are multiple dimensions of evil here. Multiple.

It starts with finding the right card. Don't even get me started on how much I hate "Happy Holidays!!" in place of Merry Christmas. I just won't even go there. The shopping in general, however, is an interesting process. This year, I found mine at Target. I spent less than 5 minutes picking through the cards. When I found one that was on recycled paper, had a star, and said Merry Christmas, I grabbed it. So that, at least, was painless this year. (Though THIS one made me stumble! Read the inside if you don't get why I didn't grab it.) The worst part, however, is that all of those cards and pounds of tinsel were out BEFORE Halloween was even over. I'm sorry, I am just not going to start my Christmas cards in October. Not happening. Also, and I'm sorry if I'm insulting anyone, who wants a card trimmed in FUR!??! (I saw it.)

Okay, so you've got the cards, right? And lets just say that before you start writing your letter, you decided to address the cards first. It's good to know who your audience is, yes? So you pick up your handy dandy notebook, er, address book. This is when the pain sets in. First of all, you have to thumb through the book and decide who would want a card in the first place. Who have you actually talked to in the past year that cares? Who have you not talked to in the last year that STILL cares? Do you care? I'm not trying to be cranky, but I honestly think that my former landlords would love a card but that some family I babysat for three years ago wouldn't really care. Or maybe they would?

Ahhhh!!!!!

It gets better, however. As you are flipping through the book, especially at my age, you realize that half of these addresses are entirely incorrect. Most of my friends have moved in the last year (at least once), some since I left Chattanooga! So you have to realize that you have some updating to do. It may just be sad to randomly write to these people via internet or text asking for an address when you haven't "caught up" in months... or longer. It is tragic looking back at the year and realizing what a slacker friend you've been that you don't have your friends "new" address nor know what city that may be in.

In the long run, however, this is no big deal, right? Until you realize that there are entire entries that need to be deleted. That nasty word divorce changes things, see? They aren't together anymore and they sure as heck don't live together, there, anymore. Out comes the eraser. They're gone. So are the former addresses of your current friends (some still blank because I don't have the new ones yet). And sadly, so are the entries of people you no longer communicate with at all. Or maybe you just leave those entries in there?

Of course, I have to acknowledge the celebrations. Adding in newly marrieds or adding a baby name. This is all good. I think the solution, however, is simply to thrown the address book out and start fresh with the new year. Maybe that won't make the address selection process quite so painful next year?

More on the letter writing aspect later...

Princess Cakes are not RED, they are PINK of course!

What a week!! It was a triple holiday for me. I got to celebrate Abi's 6 month birthday, H's #4 birthday, and Thanksgiving with the extended W family. Really we had some absolutely incredible food. Sherry made this garnish thing with cranberries, golden raisins, apricots... it was to die for on top of the Peruvian turkey. I also quite enjoyed the broccoli cheese casserole, the green beans (with bacon...), and the beef that B cooked (he's a magician with meat on the grill, seriously). The stuffing at all three of my thanksgivings has never been compared to my mama's but what can ya do? I really need to learn how to make that...

On top of all the fabulous Thanksgiving food was the two story princess castle cake for H's birthday. The pillars were provided, but we frosted them, rolled them in the sugar, did the windows, etc. We also made the 4 cakes that make up the castle itself and frosted those. Its a Stage THREE cake. This may be the reason Blu and I dubbed ourselves "Stage Negative."

We will let you know when we open the bakery (ha!).

I got to spend a good bit of time at the coffee shop or with coffee shop people. L and Abi (in the first picture), Kels, Rob, George and Car, Lan, and then all the people working at the store whenever I visited. So, everyone else. Haha. They were all surprised I wasn't a partner anymore but were happy to make my crazy drinks. I had all of them, too. I started off with my favorite Caramel Soy Latte and then experimented with the Pumpkin Bomb and the Dirty Vanilla Cheg. I had some of my tea even though Rob didn't make it. And then I finished the week off with my classic winter drink, the Peppermint White Mocha. Mm... so delicious. Oh, I also found a water bottle! My fabulous Nalgene bottle was just too big to carry around and my water occasionally tasted like plastic (which is never a good thing). So, I got a beautiful aluminum one from the coffee shop. I also picked up a new travel mug that won't leak like my last one did. It is true they only last for about a year. Hey, at least my new one is 28% recycled. Boo ya!

So basically the week was amazing. It was strange, though, that it felt like a dream half the time. Or maybe it was the Chicago part that felt like a dream. An odd mix of "home" and some imaginary place I thought up. I get that feeling when I go back to Clarksville, too. Some odd mixture of wondering if I ever lived there and having these memories that collide with the present picture. New construction. A coat of paint. Name changes. Things are there, just a little off. Anyway, it was a great visit. It is always nice going home.

Now if only I could get back into the routine here for one more week....

The Lonely Blog Discussion Act II

(See Act I - Thanks to George and Mom for responding to Act I. Please fell free, all of you, to continue responding to act I. Act II is just more food for thought.)

So aside from Luther getting married and ruining my happy-being-single status, this TX pastor encouraged the married couples in his congregation to have 7 days of sex. The media response to this has been hilarious. Paragraphs like this, however, are not helpful:
"Once you factor out venereal diseases, there’s almost nothing better for you than regular sex. Judging from the many studies on the subject, a daily romp is healthier than yoga, a five-mile run and a handful of multivitamins combined. Sex has been shown to ameliorate memory, posture, depression, anxiety, insomnia, menstrual cramps, digestion, bladder control, dental health and the sense of smell."
Here's the whole article which has a link to another article about it. Apparently the singles were told to eat chocolate cake....

Thanks, Pastor.

And of course all kinds of ignorant people are making fun of the pastor, the congregation, the Christians, the writers of stories about this, etc. I'm not. I think it is charming. There's something to be said for this kind of challenge. Something about faking/forcing intimacy breeding real intimacy. Why do you think so many Hollywood couples are formed when they are making movies together? Sure, you are spending a lot of time around each other, but you are also pretending to be in love. There's a vignette in Paris I Love You, as well. "By pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love." It's beautiful.

Guess this means I can't cuddle with my guy friends? Isn't that always why the friends with benefits thing never works? Anyway, I'm just frustrated, I guess. I'm not allowed to have intimacy because I'm single. I feel like that is what it comes down to. So pushing aside all other reasons to be in a relationship, I think this one can stand on its own for most people. A lot of my friends at seminary are in long distance relationships. A few of them are simply waiting for their significant others to join them in the city while others are seeing how the distance will affect the relationship. Two weeks ago, my friend had her boyfriend visit her. It was nice, but then he went home. She was saying she was frustrated because the one person allowed to touch her was 1,000 miles away. There's truth to that! You can only have so many hugs from your good friends. It simply doesn't fill the need, the void, the quota, whatever you want to call it.

I get most upset with God when he feels far away and distant. Sometimes I feel like He's some God sitting above us in the mist. Whatever he is, he isn't sitting here holding my hand. So I completely understand why the Israelites in the Old Testament made a golden calf. Look, something we can put our hands on. Something "real" before us! Even Adam who had God walking with him in the garden wanted something else. Something more than an animal. Something different than the intimacy of God's knowing every part of him and the holy spirit being with him at every moment and never being alone. If Adam asked for someone, I can justify my own asking.

So maybe this issue isn't about having or not having a spouse somewhere down the road. Maybe it is an issue of being happy with what I've got. Being happy, er, content, with the present. (Isn't the joke that "the present" is "a gift" after all??)

To add to that, I am pretty content where I'm at. I love being in seminary. I love being in Chicago (as long as TN still lets me visit..). I love my family. I love my friends. Life is actually pretty good right now. Everyone I am catching up with asks how things are. It is so easy to answer "wonderful.... really wonderful." Of course I qualify that with saying that God is really stretching me and I have to learn a lot every day about God's kingdom and my place in it. All the same, life is pretty good. God's been good to me. I have abundant blessings to weigh against the challenges I'm facing.

I don't remember where I saw or read this, but I really loved it. I believe it was a sermonette about Adam naming the animals and it taking him years. We easily skip over that bit in the bible before Eve arrives. The speaker said that to name all the animals we have today, it would take three years of constant work to do it. At least. So Adam asked for Eve. God gave him work. He did it. Then God gave him Eve. Not as a result of doing the good work, but to make Adam appreciate the person he was getting.

Gives a whole new spin to my justification, doesn't it? Perhaps that is why I love it. It is a more complete answer to my question of why I'm still single. I'm busy working is all. :)

When the banjos battle...

So I decided to write a post while I wait for my flight to Chattanooga. Mostly, I thought I'd share my fears. This time, however, they are entirely OTHER than they were last time I visited O'hare.

First of all, I had the blessing of a friend dropping me off here instead of parking Henry somewhere and shuttling in. Oh the terror. (Thank you Jen!)

Second of all, I'm going home. I'm not going to some random hotel in downtown ATL to go to a conference I didn't really want to attend. This is home!!! (I had a message earlier today: “Come home to me, girl. It's been too long..”) Erxomai oikov!! (Greek lesson: erxomai means I am coming/going. Oikos is house/home. The -v ending on it means it is the direct object of the sentence. Get it? See Greek is easy...)

Third, and most entertaining, I think, is going back to the south in general. I just had the unfortunate circumstance to overhear a woman on the phone: “It don't. Naw, it don't.” It doesn't even matter what she was talking about. She might not have even said no in the middle, actually. I might have hill-bill-ified it for you. Regardless, it was said. And it struck fear in the heart of me. I'm going home!! Lord help me...

The Lonely Blog Discussion - Act I

My lack of blogs this past week means 2 things:

1.) That I've been working/studying/writing papers.

2.) That I've been stewing about an important topic.

So when you are full of turkey this week and catching up on your blogs, you can read this and respond. There's a place at the bottom to comment on every blog. It says “2 people discuss red.” Click that. Share your thoughts.

---------

So most of my readers are married, right? Sorry to those single, too. But you have your say in the discussion, anyway. Regardless, most of you have also dealt with, at some point or other, my singleness. My whining about it. My celebrating it. My frustration. You've encouraged me. You've listened to me. You've let me whine.

Truth be told? I was hoping I'd meet someone when I got to seminary. But I didn't. I met a slew of amazing guys that are either married or single for a reason (*snickers*). It's true, though. And when I turn that back around on the ladies, I see the same thing. We are either with someone or we are single for a reason. So... I'm single for a reason.

The trouble is I can't get over it. I've heard all the stories. The people who have already met their significant others have always met them AFTER they've reached a certain place. This place has been described in many ways. Perhaps you each have your own spin on it. It generally sounds the same, though. You got there because you were frustrated with the games. You were fed up with the idea of being tied down. Finding someone. Starting a family. Whatever. You were ready to give up the game and be single. You reached a place where it was about YOU. You stopped “looking.”

Two weeks ago, I can honestly say that I was almost there. I could feel my heart shifting over. Not like before when I just wanted to be in that place so that I could then magically find someone. We do that, don't we? We we try to make it work because we are lonely. We need companionship. Relationship. Conversation. Touch. Someone to listen to our story.

So I was there - it was amazing. I was so excited to be over the dating scene. Over wanting to get married so desperately. Over it. Truth is I have such a bigger calling than getting married or having a family. I have all this love that I've been anxious to give to someone... and what's worse is that I've been storing most of it up and not giving it all away. How wrong is that?! It is so entirely twisted. I can stop for two seconds of any day and list names upon names of people who need love. God planted me in a community that is desperate for a little more love. A lot more understanding. Hello! The need is great and I have the opportunity to respond to it. To inspire a little more hope in a world that is entirely broken.

So that was the focus. I was going to focus my energy and my love exactly where God wanted me to. I wasn't going to focus on guys, getting married, or being lonely. I would certainly have my hands full with God's purpose for my life -- Loving people is a full time big girl job.

Then I got attacked. Perhaps you don't believe in Satan. Perhaps you don't believe in spiritual warfare. I think some people can definitely take it too far. But I function on the reality that Satan whispers in our ears on a daily basis. Call it temptation. Call it evil human nature. Whatever you want to call it – that's what I'm talking about. And he started whispering...

In Church History we were discussing Martin Luther's getting married to Katharine von Bora. That's fine and dandy, right? Until we started discussing Luther's view on marriage and how it was a new way to experience and serve God. I don't necessarily want to say he understood God better but I that was my sense of it.

Thanks. I really appreciate that, Martin. Just what I needed to hear when I was finally excited about being single and serving God. Then I hear that to really experience God, I should get married. “It makes me think I'll never have a chance to figure out what it's all about.” Michelle Branch sings that line. “But there's no lack of arms around me.” That's Michelle again, in the Wreckers, this time. She speaks to my heartbreak. I don't want to believe that I'm missing something by being single. I've got plenty of people that hug on me. I don't want to believe that by not being with someone, I am missing an experience of God. I can't stand the thought of being incomplete. I am NOT incomplete. Or rather, in a more cheesy sense of it, we are all incomplete without God. But God's the only piece of the puzzle that could ever make us complete. Right?

So what's the answer? I know that marriage is no great cure to loneliness. I know marriage isn't easy. I know it doesn't suddenly make life better. I just can't get over the idea that by not getting married, I won't be able to know another human being at the depth that I could if I were married. There was a line in a movie the other day that spoke to this.
-------------------

Joe Black: ...But Allison loves you?
Quince: [Quince nods yes between stifled sobs]
Joe Black: How do you know?
Quince: Because she knows the worst thing about me and it's okay. You're free! You're free to love each other completely, totally. Just no fear. So there's nothing you don't know about each other, and it's okay.

--------------
Yes, it's from Meet Job Black. Still, the sentiment caught me. And hearing some of my married friends talk about their spouses doesn't help. You all married some amazing people. It's true. They've set high standards for those that follow.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts. Act I at least. Now what are yours?

A Fine Frenzy is not RED, I think she's great though.

This came on in the midst of my paper writing. Not the best thing musically but still beautiful lyrically and a nice gentle tune. Speaks the universal ache of all students right now, especially seminary students (I am biased...). My philosophy of ministry is indeed Hope for the Hopeless.

"Stitch in your knitted brow
And you don't know how
You're gonna get it out
Crushed under heavy chest
Trying to catch your breath
But it always beats you by a step, all right now

Making the best of it
Playing the hand you get
You're not alone in this

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope

Cold in a summer breeze
Yeah, you're shivering
On your bended knee
Still, when you're heart is sore
And the heavens pour
Like a willow bending with the storm, you'll make it

Running against the wind
Playing the cards you get
Something is bound to give

There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope for the hopeless
There's hope
There's hope
There's hope

There's hope."

Thanks once again to A Fine Frenzy for being a musical genius. ;

(Here's the link to a YouTube vid.)

p.s. I cannot focus. I just cannot think straight. I cannot buckle down and get this work done. HELP!!!!

Abs is not RED, but she IS featured in a blog...

So I don't really have time to plunk out a post because I am just a little bit behind in every class. So this afternoon - catch up!!! I'm reading Luther's Three Treatises. Woot, woot.

I shall leave you, then, with a fabulous new blog read (and some freakin' ridiculously cute photos from the blog) at L's blog, raisingbaby.wordpress.com. This is her most recent post. On a side note, I have no idea how Abs got so big - she'll be six months in a week!!!!



ENJOY!!! (and say a little prayer that I make it to the end of the semester with a smile as big as Abs' on my face)

Lemons are not RED... the background of the blog title

Many people ask and I always forget to post the answer. So here it is, once and for all.

Why is my blog titled Lemons are not Red?

It all started in DC, actually. I had just set up this blog and was avidly searching for a name. TN to Chicago was the actual site address. That'd work.... But I wanted something more. Something that had to do with life. Something that had to do with me, would, of course be nice.

So Kels and I are winding down from a day of museum tours. As we are riding the escalator down from... the... uh... museum who has a name I've forgotten, I see into the book store and my eyes are caught. On the top shelf with the children's books I see this:


What a fabulous title! I wonder what it's about? Don't you? So I delightfully skip into the bookstore and pull this book off the shelf. Let me preface this by saying that I like to collect children's books. I've always loved them. My dad brought me back Bon Soir La Lune (french for Goodnight Moon) from his bike ride in France and I realized that I could collect books from places I visited. Useful souveniers! (Eventually.) I picked up a beautiful Cinderella book from the Alabama Shakespeare Festival back in highschoool and a beautiful Austrian children's book from a local artist in Vienna, and others along the way. It's fun.

So "Lemons Are Not Red" is a kid's book. The first page says "Lemons are not red..." and there is a cut out of a lemon shape that has a red background. So you turn the page and it says "Lemons are yellow!" And it has the proper yellow background because you've turned the page. It goes on like this saying that "Elephants are not blue... elephants are gray." Etc. It is fabulous.

So it became my blog title. That and I think I appreciate the RED part of it... being a red head and slightly obsessed with the color red. There can also be said something about that whole life hands you lemons phrase and this being a blog about transition, etc. Yeah?

So that's the long involved answer. I just liked the title of a book I saw and stole it. I might revamp the blog soon. Would that confuse you all??

EDIT: Look what I just found!! I need this!!! "The Red Lemon"

This pie isn't RED, it is orange...

Did you guess? I made pumpkin pie!!!!

I have no idea if it tastes good or not, but by jove (never actually typed that phrase - is that right?), I've done it!! I actually made two. One regular and the other with a little less evap milk plus honey and vanilla. Should be interesting to do the taste test. Lol. Either way, yay for pie! Corinna's crew plus plus is having an early thanksgiving and they invited me. They feed me often so I especially adore them.

Oh! I have a new deal with my friends. Well, two actually. The first is that I will do dishes (not kisses as one friend misheard) if you feed me. The other is that I will give you a backrub if you play music for me. This means, however, that you have to sing or play an instrument. You can't simply turn on your stereo. Unless, of course, you have personally made me a mix cd or something. :)

I think this is going to catch on and my ears and belly will be happy... even if my hands are callused freaks!!

Poetry is not RED, it is... uh... Blue. Violets, too!

I loved that you all loved my laundry post. And I love having fresh clean clothes to wear!!! I'm glad I've surrounded myself with anal retentive people... or at least with people that like nice smelling laundry. I forgot to add a charming tale of my roommate, however. The first time I did a few loads of laundry, I hung a lot of it up to dry all over my room. I had several pieces in my doorway, hanging on the door ledge. So she walks in and goes, "WOW! It smells so nice!!" And she walked up to one of my shirts hanging there and breathed in deeply.

I knew we'd get along after that. ;)

So tonight was awesome because the seminary had an open mic night. I read poetry. Two real poems from real poets and one of my own making last week. They liked it! The best part, however, was when Josh decided to cant Baby Got Back. So you know in church when someone sings a line of text all on the same note and only the last few words go up or down? That bit of the liturgy? Well, Josh did that... to Baby Got Back. I almost died laughing on that couch. *sigh* Good times.

Yeah, don't ever say we take ourselves too seriously. Or say that - and know that we then counteract that over serious side by being utterly SILLY.

I heart it here. It feels a little more like a place I can call home every day. Or maybe that's just Alison 2.1 (George's modification is the .1 instead of .0 - he says its... cooler?). She's emerging. She's getting stretched and growing up (*gasp!*).


Poem for your enjoyment follows (though I do highly suggest reading it aloud to catch the rhythm):
----------------------------
You said you'd number his descendants
Like the stars if he could count them.
So what about me, Lord, my stars?

Will I, too, wait until I barren and old
Before you bless me and I am Sarah?
Even then, will I find my womb full
Of warring brothers that refuse to love
Until they war with you and send out an army?
Will I find myself finally with family
Only to pull unleavened bread and run
Into whatever wilderness you've set before me?

Will I find armies at my back, dear LORD?
And will your hand wash them in the river,
Destroy them with an overwhelming tide?
Will you provide, from the sky, a kind of bread
And grant respite, from the sun, with a cloud?
Will you send your blessing down the mountain
And give me the words that guide me?

Will you forgive my golden idols
And my attempts to tempt a king?
Will you forgive my generation for it's doubts
Or for our parents' attempts to build into the sky?
Can your children ever stop questioning
and for once live up to their promises?
Your promises - ours.
-------------------------
Love always,
1L

p.s. I keep fussing with the last line or two....
p.p.s. and do you have any title suggestions? all the ones I come up with are corny... Something about covenant... or counting stars...

EDIT: p.p.p.s. A Covenant of Counting Stars (???)