Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My SR boys

Thought you might be into this. I am. You should be....



This is "Knights of Bostonia" by State Radio. Chad is on the right. Mike is the middle (aka maddog). Chuck is on the far left (you'll see him near the middle of the video).

Thanks to sibling for forwarding on the clip. ;)

Monday, February 09, 2009

On better days and true humility and heat!

Maybe it's the weather (in the 60's tomorrow!). Maybe it was the weekend (recovering away from the city at my Godmother's and a small group sharing /party at a friends in the city on Sat afternoon). Maybe it's hormonal. Maybe it's finally having talked to my roommate about our issues. Maybe it's all that pastoral care reading for class. Or maybe I'm just learning how to deal. ;/

Whatever the case, today has been a great day. I got myself out of bed by 8:15 and even got in the shower and ate real breakfast (cereal and soy - yum!). I pretty much hate mornings in general, so getting out of bed before 9:30 on a Monday was HUGE. Then I went to work. It was a productive morning which always helps the day, I think. I felt cute, which also helps (how nice of Karen to let me do three loads of laundry this weekend so I HAVE the things I like to wear). Chapel was just so-so but I got to eat lunch with friends and discuss our art studio and class (more on that later). Then I came home and read for a bit. Got sleepy so I messed around on the computer for a bit. Heated up some leftovers and put in Romeo and Juliet (Baz Luhrman style). Then class was great. The day was good.

I've also been reflecting. Did I tell you all I was writing a book? Well, I'm writing a book. Not to publish - it's just for me. I needed to go back and process my past romantic entanglements. I told a friend this and she said quite seriously that it was a really unhealthy idea. I assure you - it isn't. My mom called it "grieving" and I think that's quite accurate. I am grieving what is lost. Gaining perspective about myself and life. So I wrote about 5 pages nonstop on a college relationship that I had still yet to process. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Fabulous!

In the pastoral care book I had to read this week, the author discussed "humility" and what that really was. Yes, it is about not being prideful... but it is about being completely honest about yourself. Your struggles AS WELL AS your gifts. You strengths in contrast with your weaknesses. I confess, last week, I was focused on all the things I still had to BE. I had to be healthier, work out more, study harder, listen better, resist chocolate.... etc. It was really depressing.

So that means I was especially elated to read the following from "Hearing Beyond the Words":
"We absorb so much that defies any view of ourselves as gifted, treasured, and beloved by God, that being honest with ourselves may be something we would rather avoid. Honestly looking at ourselves, with appropriate humility, turns out to be an act of courage and holds the potential for abundant blessings."

I was shocked, quite frankly. I had overstepped that humble message to the point that I was tearing myself down. You could see it, couldn't you? In that post about needing to be MORE? Well, I was blue. So I had to sit down with myself and have a little chat about my good qualities. I brought the scales back to normal and I feel so much better. Less... dizzy. I also used it as a kind of "filter" to look back at the college relationship. I was honest. I remembered the good with the bad. It was kind of amazing to remember all the good parts I had forgotten. Made the bad bits not so painful. So that was nice...

Anywho, I thought I'd share. :) How was your day?

Sunday, February 08, 2009

California Dreamin'....

I love putting in old CD's and finding good music I had forgotten. I went through a big oldies phase. I still love them, I just don't listen to them as much. Well, I came across California Dreamin' and was shocked how appropriate it is for this week. (I should note, I'm going to California on Thursday....)



LYRICS:

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
Ive been for a walk
On a winters day
Id be safe and warm
If I was in l.a.
California dreamin
On such a winters day

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way
Well, I got down on my knees
Got down on my knees
And I pretend to pray
I pretend to pray
You know the preacher likes the cold
Preacher likes the cold
He knows Im gonna stay
California dreamin
On such a winters day

All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey
Ive been for a walk
On a winters day
If I didnt tell her
I could leave today
California dreamin
On such a winters day
California dreaming
On such a winters day

Thursday, February 05, 2009

On my school

My classes are amazing. I can't even describe the feeling that I'm almost jealous of myself. I'm hopeful that I don't pass up the opportunity.

My professors are incredible. I'm continually surprised and delighted by how much I LOVE these professors. They are passionate! They are intelligent and gifted and I am so incredibly blessed to be here. I'm almost snobby about it - thinking that no one else will get this incredibly fabulous education if they go anywhere else. I know that no one outside of the ELCA had ever heard of LSTC (and many inside). It wasn't Harvard. It wasn't Vanderbilt. It wasn't Emory. It wasn't the Div school at the University of Chicago! It wasn't the famous Chicago Theological Seminary. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to have an excellent education.

Against all odds, and somewhat settling, I chose LSTC. I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be challenged enough. But I'd make do. I'd be in the city and that would be fun. It was where I was "supposed to be" so I'd be there.

I was wrong. Not about being here... but about thinking it was sub par.

This place never ceases to challenge and impress me. I love it. I love LSTC.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

On a new semester beginning

The sermon in chapel this morning was fabulous. It was our very amazing preacher teacher (ha!), though, so we expect great things from him. :)

Satterlee was talking about all the people that we "bring" to seminary with us... and it made me homesick at the same time that it pushed me forward to continue working through this seminary adventure.

So I just wanted to say thank you. Seriously. You have made so much of this possible. Your support has been incredible both in the very beginning when I still said "seminary" with a question mark behind it and a raised eyebrow... and today when the days are long and the streets are cold and my soul is getting stretched.

THANK YOU. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm excited about the classes so far. I'm always surprised how amazing the academics are here. Whenever I start to get doubtful that I'm at a place that challenges all parts of me (body, mind, soul), I am instantly reminded that I'm in a fabulous place. Even with the financial crisis of the nation, the seminary is pulling through. They are making changes that are necessary without damaging the integrity of the school. I respect them so much. I'm quite blessed to be here. I truly am living the dream.

p.s. THANK YOU MAMA for my snail mail care package. I will be enjoying its goodies and thinking of you all week. xoxo

Monday, February 02, 2009

On lacking motivation or will power

Well friends, I hate to say it, but I'm lazy. I love sitting back and watching movies. I love playing games online. I love reading books. I love knitting. I love sleeping.

All this combines to make my life way to sedentary. On top of being away from my girls, sitting in class for hours on end, and HAVING to read for those classes, I'm not active. I'm just not active enough. So no matter how good I can eat, I'm still not healthy. I loved what I heard in a Weight Watchers class once - just try doing a few small things to be more active. Park farther away and walk. Get UP to change the channel. Etc.

So today, during our class break, I walked around the third floor instead of sitting/standing talking near the room. It was nice. Of course, this is after laying around all afternoon (hey, its MONDAY).

Ah, well. Jen, KJ, and I are all getting 3 month gym memberships. This will hopefully motivate me to go. I generally enjoy being active. I just hate that you have to wear different clothes. Then I don't enjoy sweating (apart from the fact that sometimes it is a little badass to be sweating BECAUSE you just ran for an hour or something fabulously fit like that). I also get very self aware. I don't really care that people are watching me. It's not that. It's that I notice that ONE hair that has fallen in my eye... or that my left pant leg is somehow partially tucked under my shoe... or that my ear itches... or that I have a sweat bead rolling down the middle of my back.

I NOTICE IT ALL. So basically, I need to find a way to distract myself. Music helps - to a point (then I notice the headphones or have to find the perfect music....). TV helps - unless it isn't something that interests me.

Any thoughts? Useful motivational tactics for getting me out of bed in the morning (since I only have ONE day where I have to be up early)? Encouragement?

I know at some point... I just have to learn to live with myself the way I am instead of reaching for some better self all the time. But I'd like the self I accept to at least be a LITTLE healthier. Just a tad? Please?

Sunday, February 01, 2009

On Random Things

So the latest Facebook trend is to post a list of 25 Random things about you. So when Bema was here last weekend, I composed my own list. Over the past week, most of my family members on Facebook have also posted their lists. I love my family. I feel so blissfully normal around them. Makes me feel a little less... odd. Does that make sense? I am reading their lists and just nodding away. Yup, that's me. Yup, that explains why I do that. Yup, that one too.

And we are all doing that. The Bradley women at least.

So I've been in the vein of thinking about random things. Random things I enjoy. Odd things I do. Peculiar tastes. Unexplainable annoyances. On and on.

So I've been thinking about having longer fingernails. I haven't had long fingernails for at least two years. I worked in a daycare and it was impossible to have longer nails. If they were slightly long at all, I would wind up stabbing the kids or scraping their skin somehow. Long fingernails are the devil when it comes to little kids.

Then I started working at the Coffee shop. Another good reason NOT to have long fingernails. It isn't good to stab customers with your nails when you are handing them their beverage. I promise you - no good.

So I kept them trimmed. They were always polish free (health code thing over coffee and safety for the kids). I tried to maintain them with my little file and did a reasonable job.

I say all this to share with you my delight at being in seminary and letting my nails be long. I love the way they sound on the keyboard. I love the way I can drum them aimlessly on my desk or, even better, a coffee mug (I also delight in the sound my ring makes clicking against the coffee mug handle - I think this is tied to my mother). I'm also a bit of a freak because I like to fold fabric underneath my fingernails (I've heard old folks who are loosing it like to do this and that scares me).

Well, about a month ago, I trimmed my nails on my left hand down when I picked up guitar. You just can't play with long fingernails. I have to be honest and say that I detested it. I LIKE having long nails. Something about them is fun. They aren't even painted (I pick off the paint). I just like them neat and polish free.

Am I crazy?

(On a side note, I think blogging is sort of like composing those lists of random things about yourself. Except for the one line you publish about naming inanimate objects, you write an explanation about it and VOILA! you have a new post. Am I right?)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A continuation of thought on living simply

So to add to this morning's post, I've been thinking that living simply has a lot to do with being more content with life. Last night, as I was avoiding my final Greek translation and preparing for Bethany's visit, I was cleaning. As is usual with me, I go a step beyond" picking up" and I reorganize. So I was emptying drawers and going through some piles and recycling/throwing away old stuff I didn't need. (I have a lot of magazines/Lutheran publications to read...)

I really think there's something to be said for living simply. For clearing out the clutter. There's some guy (I think he went on Oprah and got big that way?) who believes that cleaning out the clutter in your home somehow leads to loosing the excess on your body as well. Isn't that bizarre? Maybe its more about mastering the mess in your living space and then having the confidence to overcome messiness in your eating (i.e. junk food and snacking and overeating). I'm not sure. The mind is such a funny thing. I always love hearing about how placebos work for people in pain. They believe they are getting some amazing drug to cure them (when in actuality, it is next to nothing) and they are cured. Mind over matter; isn't that the saying?

I think that's another reason I'm chronically optimistic. If I don't force myself to see the bright side of things, I won't believe that a good outcome is possible. And who wants to live like that?!

So here's the science and religion clash that I love. Is it faith in listening to an all knowing God that drives a good day/good life? And/or is it mind over matter? Why do so many non-religious people like to say that religious people have made up God as a kind of mental security blanket? There's no way I made up God. He's too big. My God would look a lot different. The amazing Kurt Hendel (a professor here at LSTC) says that we should get worried when our idea of God starts to look a lot like us. So true. So true!

I'm happy that my brain lives in both worlds. I can pray for mental clarity and focus. So I'm asking God to intervene in something that science is constantly trying to explain (the link between the body and mind). I don't believe that my God is merely a God of the gaps... but a God of the whole picture. I've always been uncomfortable with that God of the gaps theory. Basically, it makes us look weak. We trust science over God... until we don't get it. Then God's the backup plan. That doesn't make sense and I'm sure it pisses off god.

I guess I just choose to believe God's been in the midst of it all along and is still in the midst of it, even when we can scientifically prove something. Know what I mean? In other words, God's there when we can't figure out the next step... and he's still there when we are ten steps beyond. Hmmm... I'm going to stop now because I'm beginning to sound really preachy!! Oh no!!

Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.

~1L

On discovering truths

Good morning world.

So I think sometimes I really do just honestly forget that God is with me. I know that sounds incredibly cheesy - but its true. On my bad days, the days when the world is out to get me, I am completely alone. Everything is annoying. All my friends. All my things. Everything. Then I trip up the stairs, my phone dies, I'm late to class, I'm late to work, I forget to do something else, and the mistakes and grumblings just start piling up.

Yeah... that was yesterday. It was pretty terrible. Then I started texting my friend Rob last night (after charging my phone) and he said something about talking at God... and that she let him call it praying. It made me realize I had been talking at God for at least a few weeks. Thinking I was the shit and had everything together and was a grown up.

Hahaha.... no.

Turns out, I'm only on top of the world when I'm listening. Because I'm listening. Because I'm not "in the driver's seat" - so to speak. THOSE are the good days. (Good morning...)

I sat up in bed after my first alarm and was out of bed after the second. I am dressed. I am eating breakfast. Then I'm going to finish up some Greek.

God did it. I've learned just how dependent I am on her. Which is great... and such a challenge. I thought yesterday, in the middle of class, in the middle of a frustrating discussion about Jesus' death on the cross, that I will never be able to be comfortable in my faith. I will always be newly challenged to discover something... to act on God's behalf... to love bigger... to learn a new aspect of God's character...

The list will never end. There's some frustration there, but I'm also delighted. Who wants to be a part of a religion they've figured out on the 3rd day? Nah. I rather enjoy this God. She's pretty damn good to me.

Monday, January 19, 2009

On visiting. Or dates to travel to you.

So here's the deal, friends. The rest of the year is booked... rather, I know when I have school and when I don't. It's looking like I have a limited number of weeks off (welcome to real life, eh?). So I wanted to share with you and discuss my plans thus far. Keep in mind that for the Spring Semester, I have classes Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday only. So all my weekends could potentially be 4 day weekends (with prep time and/or recovery time from trips).

*J-term ends Thursday. I get a week off before the Spring term starts on Feb 2nd.
--This is already loosely planned. Bema's coming to visit me!! She'll arrive on Friday and leave on Sunday. I'll kick around here for a few days then go with Sally to her hometown Thursday and Friday. I plan to read for pleasure the entire week and watch movies. NO GREEK!!! Then I'll be rip roaring ready to start a new semester.

*Spring semester has two week-long breaks. The first is our Reading week from March 2-6 and the second is Easter week from April 6-10. Em's getting married on the 18th of April, though, so I'll be in Chattanooga the next weekend after Easter.
--As of yet, I have no plans for Reading week. Nikki talked about visiting and we discussed a Shana visit. Mom also mentioned coming up for a weekend trip around then. Thoughts?
--For Easter, I'm thinking family time down in Washington instead of traveling to TN twice in a row. Yes? No?

*Spring Semester ends May 15th (though classes are done May 8th). Graduation is on the 17th and I've promised to be there. After that, I've got about two weeks before CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) starts.
--I'd like to spend the two weeks after school is out in TN but I need to get my things moved out of my room here on LSTC campus. I'm not sure how that's going down yet since I won't be in Chicago for the summer.

*CPE runs for a marathon of 12 weeks from June 1st to August 21st. That's my summer. 40+ hours a week. Thankfully, I will be a 1/2 hour from family for easy recovery. :D

*Not sure exactly when the Fall Semester starts up again but I'm thinking around Labor day again. There will be a fall break (still open of course) and a thanksgiving break (Sibling and I are planning on NY with family). Then for December I will be off again. I'm not sure what December looks like, though, as I will be involved with MIC (Mission in Context) my Middler year. So I'll be tied to a church throughout the year. I'll have to ask a Middler if this lasts through the time when school is out. Hmm...

----------------
So that's what my year looks like. Depressing amounts of time off. At least I'll have longer weekends to do things. Corinna and I are taking a long weekend to go to San Francisco for her birthday around Valentine's weekend. We found a really good deal on a flight and hotel so we booked! I'm generally not that spontaneous but I've always wanted to go and I won't have her around next year (she's going back to Germany - the nerve!).

So yeah... let me know when you are visiting. PLEASE VISIT!!!!