Centrifugal Force is not Red, it is a BLUR

My sincerest apologies for being away. I've been without the internet since Thursday. I know, right? Seems unreal. But I am house sitting and both of their jobs find them around computers all day, so they see no need to have one at home. I get it. It makes sense.
Anyway, I am on my very own new lap top as we speak! His name is Hamilton Dell Quibly. And sadly, he never got to meet Eesa. Yes, that's right. Still no Eesa. She's gone, gone, baby gone. Despite the great efforts of myself and friends (Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you did), no one has heard a word from the neighborhood or greater Chattanooga. So let me just say that if you happen to be out and about, see a beautiful Nikon D80 and a fantastic black shoulder bag with orange lining, it might be my Eesa. Ask a LOT of questions. If they don't have answers, steal it back!!! No, I'm just kidding. I'm just trying to not be bitter at this point in time.

I do have some interesting reports to follow up with, however. The first being that I discovered I had neglected to put my second battery, my polarized lens, and my flash in my new bag. Again, because it was so new! So, I'm not really sure what to do with those things now... but I've got 'em!

Secondly, on Friday, I looked down at my console where I usually store my change... it's a little dish right in front of the cup holders (you can try to see what I mean, here, in the Honda pictures)... I'd take a picture FOR you, but obviously, that isn't an option. ;) Anyway, there was only one ring there. I always keep the two together that Kelly gave me for my birthday. I thought it was odd. Well, last night, when picking up things off my passenger seat floor board, I notice the other ring, all the way next to the door on the carpet. So if you doubting Thomases think it is impossible for a camera bag to fly out the window, explain how this ring flew up out of the console and landed on the far right side of the car. There was some major centrifugal force going on, let me tell ya. Oh Henry!

I have no other news. I'm spent.

post scripts are not RED, they are black, too

p.s. then there was today. rain. running out of gas. more rain. pointless phone calls to find out that eesa is gone, gone, gone. still raining.

I have to laugh. I just have to laugh.

Eesa, my camera, is not red, she is black

Life is relentless. You think that I would have already learned that lesson at least a dozen times, but I guess it's an easy one to forget. Then there's that whole asking God to humble you prayer that seems to get in the way of all my best stretches of life. I was having a good stretch. Felt like I finally had a grasp on what the idea of home meant; a cute customer at work, that I happen to adore, asked when I was working next (!!); and I got to take some gorgeous pictures of my friend Nikki in her wedding gown (it was also Eesa's first photo shoot with the new bag - thanks Daddy).

Then there was yesterday. After a long work day and learning that the cute customer was really not asking about my next shift, I head home to gather my camera and a change of clothes. I'm on my way to L's to take pictures of her beautiful preggo belly and to attend a midwife meeting at her house. So I load up the car and hop on in. I've got the windows down because it is a beautiful sunny day. No rain. A few clouds. I've got good music. Life is good. (You feel the doom overhead?)

On the interstate, very near the exit by my work, I see a chair in the far right lane. Horrified that it could cause an accident, I say a quick thanks that it wasn't in my own lane. Ah, but chairs come in pairs...

I look in my lane, only to see another chair right in front of me (the gentleman in front of me swerved delicately to avoid it). Well, I was not delicate. Henry and I started fishtailing. I think I did a full circle at one point, but honestly, I cannot remember anything other than thinking, "Oh... stop. Oh please stop." And when I finally did come to a full and complete stop, I was two feet away from the concrete median and about three feet away from another car that had come to a stop beside me. No one was touched. Of course, I feared that I had shredded my tires or that Henry would fail to start. I turned Henry off. I turned Henry on. And proceeded slowly down the far left "break down" lane. Once I knew that Henry and I were fine (beyond fine if you think about it), I got over on the far right real break down lane, got out of my car, checked the tires, and called a few people. Henry and I proceeded slowly onto L's house.

Upon arrival -- I go to retrieve my camera from the car and find that it is no where to be seen. Disappeared. Gone.

Now, I know what you are asking because I've asked myself the same questions. The extent to which I've doubted the simplest actions of my actions yesterday is ridiculous. No, she was not in the car. No, she was not at home. I remember taking Eesa out of the house with me and sitting down in my car with her (in the bag with the other lens, the tripod, etc). I am about 90% sure of that. I don't remember where I placed it in the car, but I had placed the other bag on the floor board, so I would have put Eesa in the passenger seat on top of the few clothes (apron from work, a jacket, etc).

The point of the story is... my life is one tragic irony after another. I am perfectly fine. Henry is unscratched. No one else was hurt. That is purely MIRACULOUS. I get it. On the other hand, my Eesa is now gone. Did the entire bag fly out of the window as Henry was spinning (theory #1)? She's no one where in the house. No where in the car. No where on the interstate that I can see. I called insurance... and they don't cover things flying out the window (go figure?!). I called TDOT... and they have no incident filed and no bags turned in. I called Wolf Camera... and the guy took down my name and number in case anyone should feel like being a good Samaritan. I am at a loss.

I know it is just a THING. But as my friend said, it was a very nice thing. It was a thing that meant a whole lot to me. I feel so hopeless about the whole situation. Some of it is purely circumstantial. If I had left five minutes earlier, there would be no chairs. If I had the windows up (or if she had been in the back seat), I'd still have Eesa (if we go with theory #1). If I had taken a different path to L's house, I might not have been on the interstate. If, if, if... life hadn't thrown me a curve ball, I wouldn't care.

Part of me feels like I will magically turn a corner and the bag will be sitting there, all innocent. I will smack my head and say, Silly me. The other part of me feels like I have to just move on. If it was left behind in the neighborhood or lost when I pulled out of the driveway (theory #2), then I have to depend on someone's good conscious to return it. Oh, btw, there are no ID tags anywhere in the bag. The bag is about a week old. I hadn't gotten there yet. I had never done anything to Eesa, either. I never assumed she'd be misplaced. *Smack* Silly me.

Okay, thanks for listening. I just needed to vent. Any ideas/theories/solutions? Sip a glass of lemonade and let me know.

Mom's pinwheel is not RED, it is Blue

I got my mom a pinwheel for mother's day. You know the kind that is shiny and when the wind blows, it spins and spins and spins? That. It was so simply beautiful that it sort of caught my breath. There was other stuff with it, of course, but that was the best part of it. A child's toy. She said her daddy liked them, too. Looks like I've picked up another theme for my life. Does anyone else do that? Pick up themes? I have themes of home, of breathing, of stars, of trees, and now of pinwheels.

My poetry tends to hang on these themes, too. Mostly it seems to come out in rhythmic breathing or looking up into the sky (not necessarily at night with stars above). I think there is always the unspoken idea of home behind every poem. I tend to write a lot about being lost (not necessarily MY being lost, but losing or forgetting a memory or how to breathe or how to say goodbye). I wonder if they will continue to carry with me throughout the years. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. What's that cheesy email forward about people being in your life for a season or a lifetime. Yeah, I get that.

Happy Mothers Day!!!!

Starbucks is generally green, but not with envy

I am one year old today. That's right. I've been making coffee for people for a year now. Crazy! And I still adore my job. I know it sounds silly to like a job that doesn't pay anywhere near enough for me to live on, but I love it! Yes, there are days that I am begrudging making one more half-decaf-grande-2pump-nonfat-no-whip-extra-hot-white-chocolate-mocha... but they are only days out of the 365. I mean, I know when I've worked over 25 hours because I start to find every customer annoying. Even my regulars that I generally adore. But then I get a few days off (like I have for the next few days, THANK GOD)... and I'm back. They make fun of me for being OCD, for being a little bitchy (especially about certain things, like the hand washing sink having drinks poured down it or drinks sitting on it), for being a klutz, or for being entirely random. But honestly, I am so completely myself there and am so accepted for being just that, that I thrive.

I started to think the other day, where I would be if I hadn't taken a year off.
#1, I wouldn't have been at the coffee shop. I wouldn't have needed the health insurance and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be some place for a few months and drop them before I left for school. There's no telling where I would have ended up on the map. Maybe Chicago, but I was seriously doubting it this time last year. Wondering if Carolina was calling my name. It wasn't. That was James Taylor singing to me.
#2, I wouldn't be living where I am... blessed with this family (my W's). I wouldn't have the smiles that the girls throw me at the most random times of the day. I wouldn't have random midnight snack runs or trips to wal-mart or the bowling alley to cheer one of us up. I wouldn't have Blu providing much needed laughter (at ourselves, the girls, ooltewah, and life). I wouldn't have all the little things that make this such a wonderful home. I can't imagine life right now any other way.
#3, I wouldn't have the close relationships I do with the people I do. Not only am I talking about the W's... but all my coffee crew. I have simply adored L from the get go. Once we started having dates and bonding over coffee and God, I knew we were at the same store for a reason. I have LOVED watching her pregnancy and cannot wait to be there with her for the birth in about a month. I think it is about 5 times cooler than being a bridesmaid (no offense to my brides!!). And even beyond the people that I've MET in my year off... I have adored getting closer to the people I already knew. My college friends that stuck around town. I wouldn't trade our panera, two squares, tattoos, chattz, car time for the world. I'm going to miss it insanely much when I'm gone.

After all this... and knowing how much I'll miss it when I'm north in the frigid cold, I am comforted by the knowledge that I'm in God's hands. Seriously. It sounds completely cheesy. I get that. What I mean is that I know God knew I needed a year off. He knew I would meet these people and grow and learn in ways I couldn't anywhere else. He made it happen. The coffee job. The W's. The relationships. All of it. So... I have to trust that he has similarly magical plans in the windy northern city for me, too. People to meet. Ways to grow. A particular roommate or teacher. What have you. So there's that. I am focusing on that.

"Ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around." -JT

Brake Lights are Red, and so is my Road Rage

I don't know what it is about the past few days here in Chattanooga and the TERRIBLE drivers. Maybe I am more irritable - having missed an entire night of sleep. That is entirely possible. On the other hand, everyone agrees with me! Chattanooga has some of the WORST drivers I've ever had the privilege of driving with. OH MY GOODNESS!! There is this thing called "right of way" that prevents people from getting into car accidents and the like. It is a good thing. I encourage everyone to use it. Obey it. Live by it when driving (or walking, since you get the right of way in cross walks...). I have seen people turn LEFT on a RED light... INTO my lane... going about 10 under the speed limit. Thanks. I have seen two drivers decide to go ahead and turn right at a light despite the fact that I was coming straight at them (having received my green turn arrow to turn left). Then, of course, they both slow down to see what I'm going to do. God bless Henry for being able to reach 50 in very little time. I've used that... more than I care to admit.

Enough ranting. What else is new? Had the party that wasn't a surprise anymore. Still had a blast. Everyone is now leaving for their summer trips which is making me teary. On top of that, there was graduation. My good friends, Ren, Rou, Dan, and Em, are stepping up and out into the world! Took lots of pictures of them crossing the stage and looking bored in the audience. The speaker was worse than the speaker at my own graduation. I will just pretend from here on out that Phil Bredesen - who spoke in December at Whit and Woo's graduation- spoke at mine. Oh well. At least I've only been through seven graduations and not seventy - this would be Michael on his way to the most recent yesterday. The only thing that changes are the people walking across the stage, I guess. :)

My family is home. Back from Disney World. The pictures of the girls enjoying the sights and sounds of the place are adorable beyond adorable. Mads is finally becoming photogenic - a new found DELIGHT for me. She's always been beautiful; it just never came through in photos. I'm sure I will share the beauty soonish. The toothy grin. The curls. But now, I must to bed with me. Take care. I'll keep you posted. ;)

Tuition is not RED, unless you can't afford it

Oh to hear the thoughts I've been thinking these past few days. I've been watching/listening to this David Gray video on repeat. It's just catchy. I can't help it. "My head is rolling like a waterfall. Give me everything or none at all." He makes corny rhymes and I don't even mind.

So what have I been thinking? Oh, just more about trivial pursuits and being loved and being lonely. One of my best friends is dealing with being newly officially single and I'm dealing with being perpetually single (on top of a newly broken heart). We are QUITE a pair. Mostly we have been talking about the past and how you look forward to the future when you are stuck with today. Growing up is entirely overrated.

YELLOW: I didn't get that scholarship. Well, I got $3,000 which is still lovely. It just doesn't seem so great in comparison to the full tuition. I was one in four to be nominated. I had a 50/50 chance of getting it and I lost. Can I be honest and say I'm not used to losing? So, yesterday was a hard day. Feeling a tad unloved, unwanted, etc. But I'm thankful that they are just days. Just a few. Keeps me humble and keeps me in God's hands, yes?

Best get ready for coffee duty (I'll be there forever tonight). Come visit!

All Lights are GREEN, Systems are GO

The officially official word on the street is... I AM IN!! After a somewhat grueling interview that lasted about 40 minutes... I was forced to wait an additional 15 minutes for a deliberation session (I sat downstairs between two best friends). They called me back up and said I was in. After telling me what they saw as my spiritual gifts (including being open minded and intelligent - wow, who's humbled??), they asked if I had any questions. I didn't. Then they asked me to close in prayer. I did.

Then I hugged the entire room. Then I went downstairs and hugged everyone down there. Then we hit the road and I called everyone I could think to call. Bliss. Pure bliss. The fact that the call I had merely privately pursued was now confirmed by a committee of discerning individuals who represent my church... was huge. I'm not insane! What joy. What comfort. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Hoorah!

It helped to have two of my best friends along telling me that they will be attending my future church, telling everyone to congratulate me, and generally being proud of me. What a huge compliment my friends gave me by simply being there and loving me. I am blessed. So incredibly blessed.

On a complete side note: you should all watch Paris, je t'aime / Paris, I Love You. My heart swoons! Also, if you are in ATL anytime soon, you should check out two fabulous eateries: R. Thomas and Cafe Intermezzo. Yum and double yum. To try: Sweet Chai Yerba Mate and Cinnamon Nirvana (R. and I loved them both to the last drop). The chicken curry wrap. The sweet potatoes. The mango pie. Then at the cafe: crepes, espresso intermezzo (almonds!), hummus, and salad. All delicious. All delicious.

Offically offical seminary updates are not Red either

Or maybe all updates are red? Who even knows! Let's make 'em yellow. I like yellow.

So here's the deal:
Applying to seminary is a two track kind of deal. The first track is the "candidacy process" that you begin generally with your pastor and your church. My church belongs to the ELCA. The ELCA is divided up into synods. My church is part of the southeastern synod. Thus, my candidacy process is through the synod. My big bad interview saturday is with the synod (the synod office is in ATL) and this is the final step on this track.

The other track is the application to seminary. Some choose to not attend an ELCA seminary though from what I gathered, that is greatly frowned upon because it is makes is so much more difficult to become ordained because of the extra year involved (catching up on all things Lutheran, you see?). So, whatevs. I liked Chicago. There was an ELCA school there. That's when LSTC came into the picture. God pushed. I walked. God presented. I accepted.

It seems like all those decisions were easy and painless, but they took at least two or three years of my life and school to figure out. What kind of seminary? Did I want to stay in the ELCA? Did I like all the things they taught and believed? Did I want to attend a secular divinity school? Chicago... really?

Alas, here I am. Nearing the final step. Applying for grants and asking for prayer. I've been accepted to the seminary... pending approval of the synod. I applied or am applying for two different grants. The Fund for Leaders was the one with the insane questions. Then I just found out about the Munderloh Foundation Grant. The Munderloh is worth $2,500. Neither covers the internship year (typically the third year of four years of school). So that is quite exciting. I'll keep you posted, I'm sure.

Other questions about the process or where I'm at? I'm leaving Chattanooga the end of July. I'll be starting school late August/early September. Yay? :)

Baby Showers are Green and Yellow when the baby's a surprise

Surprise Party #1 = SUCCESS!!!!
Surprise Party #2 = failure...

Well... at least I got one out of two? Apparently planning two at once is nice in one respect because it makes it a total shocker to the person who assumed it was the second person's party. (If that didn't make sense... welcome to the last month of my life). Otherwise, it is no good.

L was totally surprised. Walked up to the house the party was at and asked why there were only Starbucks people out (where were all of R's other friends?). I had to put my arm around her and say, "L, dear... this is all for you. R's not even coming tonight. Surprise!" before she even started to get it. Then she walked through the front door to turn and see her husband waiting for her (he was supposed to be at work). She was delighted and overwhelmed. Basically... she was adorable.

Games we played:

Feed the Baby: Four teams of two raced to feed each other a jar of nasty organic baby food. Impressive how into it the teams got.

Tummy Wrap : We cut off ribbon the length we thought Ls belly would be. Even L did! I joked as people were cutting off the ribbon that I would win because I hug her so much. Then I won. They all thought I was cheating....

Baby's First Meal : One bowl in the center of the table. Lots of cotton balls around it. One spoon. One blindfold. Object of the game? Get as many of those cotton balls into the bowl as you can in one minute. You don't feel anything because the cotton balls are so light. It was HILARIOUS.

Playdough Baby Contest: Everyone teamed up and the playdough was distributed. The clock started ticking. Then when time was up, we presented L with our little playdough babies. They looked... like aliens. The playdough baby with the outie belly button and little curl won her heart though. Yay!

Tinkle Relay Race: I don't know the real name of this game. It is supposed to make fun of the preggo of the party having to go to the bathroom constantly. We had three teams relay down a narrow hallway with a quarter between their knees. Destination? A very small pail at the end of the hallway. If you dropped it, you had to go back. It was wonderful bumping into each other and dropping your quarter every other step. I was so glad I wore a skirt!

Poopy Diapers: For the parents to be, we grabbed ten candy bars and melted them into newborn diapers (SOOOO SMALL!!). They had to nibble at the "poo" and guess the flavor. Those pictures are priceless...

So it was fun. But I am so glad it is over and I can stop lying outright to one of my best friends. That's rough! No one ever told me that about surprise parties. But I digress... I leave tomorrow for the big bad interview. So now my energy shifts there. Send prayer. :)